Page 130 of Good For Me

And that makes me angry at myself, too, because I shouldn’t care. Reed doesn’t know me. He doesn’t know what I’ve been through or how hard I worked. His opinion doesn’t matter and I’m so damn pissed that I’m sitting here feeling sick about it when I should be strong enough to tell him to fuck off.

I don’t realize how long I’ve been sitting here with the water running until I hear a knock on the door. “Jas? You in there, sweetie?”

Rose. Part of me wants to retreat even further, to hide in this bathroom for the rest of the day. But I feel my spine straighten, almost of its own accord. I refuse to shrink away or hide or let on that I’m hurt. I have too much pride for that. “Yup,” I call out brightly. “Just one sec.”

I force a smile on my face before unlocking the door, but maybe I don’t do a great job because Rose looks concerned. “You okay? I came in to grab a drink and realized you’d been gone for a bit. Figured I’d check on you.” She peers at me closer, like she might be able to read whatever’s bothering me on my face. “Did your family head out?”

I nod, trying to make the smile more natural. “I walked them to the door then got lost on my way back outside.”

She snorts out a laugh. “This house is ridiculous, isn’t it? I think Cash’s might be worse, actually. Those boys live to show each other up.”

Cash. The guy who approved of my music and made me cook breakfast in a dancing banana apron. I wonder if he was the other voice in the room. If he’s sitting there right now listening to his older brother question my integrity.

Rose’s smile fades. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Of course. Let’s go back to the party.”

I can tell she wants to press me more, but she keeps her mouth shut as she shows me to the actual living room that will take us out to the patio—the room I found was a family room, apparently, whatever the hell the difference is.

Once outside, my eyes immediately scan the space for River. I need to be near him right now. Need to look into those bright blue eyes that always seem to see so much of me and remind myself that he cares about me. That he trusts me. That we’re going to be okay.

I find him at a table with his grandfather and Levi. I give Rose a little wave and head in that direction.

River has his back to me so he doesn’t see me approach. I can hear him, though. I can hear him because his voice is much sharper than usual. “It’s fine,” he practically snaps. “I’m fine. I just don’t want to talk about it.”

The sick feeling from the hallway comes back and I pause a few feet from their table.

“Why don’t you want to talk about it?” Levi presses. “If you’re happy there—”

“I didn’t say I was fucking happy,” he mutters. “I said it was fine.”

“River,” his grandpa begins, and River groans loudly.

“It’s a job, you guys. I don’t have to love it to do it well.”

Levi watches him a moment. “You’re certainly doing it well,” he finally concedes. “I’ve heard nothing but good things about you since you started.”

The label, I realize belatedly. They’re talking about River’s job at the label.

I didn’t say I was fucking happy. I said it was fine.

My stomach twists again. He isn’t happy there. I didn’t need to overhear this conversation to know that. It’s obvious every day he comes home wearing that tie he hates. I can see it in his face. He’s miserable working in an office at the label.

But he’s doing it for the baby. And he’s doing it for me.

What does that say about our relationship? That he thinks he has to do things that make him unhappy just to be with me?

Yet again, I find myself standing feet away from Ransome men having a conversation I wish I had never heard. I start to back away, the urge to see River destroyed. I’ll go find Rose again. Or Everly—she can be trusted to drive an entire conversation alone while I stew in my own head. God, I wish Bodhi hadn’t already left to spend the afternoon with his own family. He’d be able to distract me from this feeling.

I turn to go but my pregnant body isn’t as graceful as it once was, and I end up crashing into an empty chair when I turn around, causing all three men to look up at me.

However upset River might have been to talk about the job, he doesn’t look upset now. His entire face lights up when he sees me, the same way it always does.

River is in love with her,Daltrey had said. Is that true? Do Iwantit to be true?

I have no idea.

But I do know that I wish we hadn’t come to his uncle’s house today.