Page 131 of Good For Me

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I thinkI do an okay job of keeping it together for the rest of the afternoon. River keeps looking over at me, like he’s worried something might be wrong, but no one else gives any indication that I’m acting weird. I chat with Everly about our plans to hit the resale shops in Los Feliz the next day. Rose and Leo and I talk about our upcoming exams and my graduation at the end of term. CeCe, Ash, and Cade bombard me with questions about skating.

But then Paige draws my attention to her discussion with Daisy, Everly, and Rose, and my ability to pretend like I’m fine goes right out the window.

“What does your schedule look like in early March?” she asks me. “I don’t think we should do it much later than that—you never know if he or she is going to come early.”

I blink at her, totally at a loss. “Uh…”

“For the baby shower,” she says, like that’s the most obvious thing in the world. “I know we have plenty of time, but we should at least get something penciled in, right?”

“Baby shower?” I ask dumbly.

“For you, silly,” she says, then turns to Daisy. She’s talking too fast for me to really comprehend what’s going on, but a pit is growing in my stomach all the same. “We could do it here, of course. Or maybe Cash’s? They have that pergola. Wouldn’t that look sweet in the spring? We could do tulips or daffodils. Or maybe there’s a restaurant that’s meaningful to the two of them?” Her face lights up. “Didn’t they have their first date at Ruby’s? A shower at the Purple Cat would be different!”

River’s mom must notice the panicked look on my face because she takes pity on me. “It doesn’t have to be a huge event,” Daisy says gently. “I know Paige can be overwhelming but I have lots of practice reigning her in. We could just have a lunch or—”

“I don’t want a baby shower,” I blurt out, and it must be too loud because the conversation around us falls silent. I rub my suddenly sweaty hands on my thighs. “I mean, I don’t think that’s necessary.”

“Oh, but they’re fun!” Paige says. “There are baby shower games and themed decorations and we can make whatever kind of food you want.”

“It would be a good way to get all the stuff you need for the baby,” Rose adds.

I feel my cheeks flush. Do they think I’m not capable of buying the things my baby needs? “I’m sure I can manage with all that stuff.”

“Babies needsomuch,” Everly cuts in. “There’s the crib and changing table and high chair and bouncy chair—”

“And diapers,” Paige adds. “Plus clothes.”

Everly laughs. “Now that I’m thinking about it, you guys are probably going to overflow that room at the rental house pretty darn fast. Are you thinking about looking for your own place before the baby gets here?”

I shoot a panicked look at River across the patio. Our own place? Is that something we should be thinking about? Is that something we can afford?

He has a trust fund, idiot,I remind myself. River could probably afford a freaking mansion. But the money my grandpa left for me is all supposed to be going to school. I can’t be spending a shit ton on rent in some fancy new place. That’s why I lived with my uncle for so long.

“Are you okay?” Rose asks softly, and I realize that my breathing has quickened. I’m practically panting. I stand quickly, needing to get away from this conversation.

“Um, I’m gonna grab a drink,” I mumble.

“Why don’t you let me—”

“I’m fine, Rose,” I say, way too sharp. Shit. “Sorry,” I whisper. But I honestly can’t stand to sit here for a second longer so I turn on my heel and stride toward the house, needing to get away.

Of course River reaches me right when I get to the door. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

He reaches for my hand but I pull it back. I’m pretty sure if he touches me, I’m going to cry. And the idea of crying in front of his family…out of the corner of my eye I see Reed sitting with Wyatt and Cash across the patio, their eyes on us. I don’t even want to know what they’re thinking.

“I don’t feel very well,” I say suddenly, averting my gaze. “Can I take your Jeep? You could get a ride back to the house with Everly and Fox?”

He frowns down at me. “If you’re going home, I’m going with you.”

“You don’t have to do that,” I tell him. “It’s a holiday. I don’t want to take you away from your family.”

“Hey,” he says softly, his knuckles brushing my cheek. “You’re my family, too.”

Now I really want to cry.