Page 52 of Plaidypus
“I’ll send you an address for a good store, and I’ll put in an order on your behalf so you can pick it up. Give me an hour. I’ll even find a good fishing hole and make a suggestion to your brother to think about your other outdoor hobbies. I trust he knows you like to fish.”
“It goes into the ‘liked but doesn’t happen often’ category despite us living near some prime fishing spots. I saved my time off work to go hunting.”
“I will inquire about some good fishing spots nearby, although I suspect you will have company should you do that. As the vampires will need to be sheltered during the day for the most part, you can travel at night and fish for some of the day. I’m sure your lycanthrope companion wouldn’t mind making sure you stay in the saddle. I have not yet found the perfect male companion for your Icy, so your lycanthrope is riding one of the grouchier denizens of my many hells. Mostly, he’s annoyed because he doesn’t see all that much action right now.”
“Dare I ask?”
Malevolence gave Lucifer’s chuckle a chilling edge. “Let’s just say the Four Horses will be quite pleased with you once you unleash the Geese of the Apocalypse. I thought I would give your lycanthrope the mount best suited for your specific adventure.”
When I thought about it, the Four Horses scared me a whole lot less than the Geese of the Apocalypse. “But can I pet them?”
“The Four Horses love when people scratch behind their ears. I’m sure you can get your fill of petting things you shouldn’t pet that way.”
“It’s the American in me. I just can’t help it.”
“As evidenced by the reports of you petting a zombie moose.”
“Eh. She started it by chewing on my hair. At that point, I had to pet her. She initiated contact. I just took advantage of it.”
“Shamelessly.”
“For good reason. She’smymoose now, Lucifer!” I narrowed my eyes. “Can I call you Mephistopheles when Lucifer just doesn’t seem to pack a sufficient punch?”
“Only if you can spell it right.”
“M-E-P-H-I-S-T-O-P-H-E-L-E-S spells Mephistopheles,” I replied.
“You didn’t even hesitate. I’m impressed.”
“After seeing pictures of people invoking the name of Satin on bridges and buildings, I decided I wouldn’t be one of those. Should I ever have need to invoke you, the Devil, I will do so with grace and class.”
“Grace and class beats glitter,” he muttered. “I might even show up if you were to spell my name right and offer ample incentive.”
“Why would I put in so much effort when I have your phone number?”
“Darlene, my newest minion is flirting with me using common sense,” he called out.
I giggled at the disgust in his tone. “While Darlene is a very lucky woman, you’re not really to my taste. I’m sorry. I prefer plaid-wearing lycanthropes who can make hot chocolate.”
“Now she’s rejecting me. Deal with this.”
I laughed, and after a moment, a cackling woman said, “Hello, Nadine. I’m Darlene. How is your trip going?”
“I’m having more fun than I probably should be for someone who was technically kidnapped.”
“Lucy hates when people make bargains like the one involving you, so he always tries to benefit the victim the most. If he’s being a bother, call me. I’ll text you so you can add my number to your phone. What’s this he was saying about fishing?”
“I like to fish, but I’m a little wary of the strange wonders of Australia,” I confessed.
“You’ll be safe enough. Icy will be with you when you’re camping, and she’s gotten as much education as we could give her on short notice. The cream Lucy gave you will also help. It’s good stuff. We use it on guests here to keep the pests at bay when we have guests we don’t want to accidentally torture and aren’t in the general vicinity of the manor. I’m sure it’ll even work on the more annoying Australians.”
“I thought it didn’t work on people.”
“Well, have any people bothered you since putting it on?”
“Now that you mention it, peoplehavebeen avoiding me.”
“People are pests, so the repellent works on people because I say so.”
