Page 53 of Plaidypus
In the background, Lucifer sighed.
“What now? Hold on, I’m putting this on speaker phone else we’ll be relaying this, and that gets annoying.” There was a click, and then Darlene said, “That’s better. What’s the problem now, Lucy?”
“I’m wondering if I’m going to lose my wife to a fishing trip in Australia.”
“Yes.”
Once again, the Devil heaved a sigh.
“Are you a child?” the woman demanded in an exasperated tone.
“Why do you get to go fishing but I don’t get to go fishing?”
In a way, I appreciated how normal Lucifer and his family seemed to be.
“I demand you transform into a horse so I can ride you on our fishing trip in Australia. When the kids catch up, we can play stupid. We can pretend we’re Australian horses. I’m sure Nadine could sell the ruse. Then we can ambush them all.”
“Our children aren’t toys to ambush, my darling.”
“We feed them, give them shelter, make sure they have toys, and generally take care of them. The rulebook says they’re toys we can ambush. At least for this week.”
“Which children are you talking about?”
Lucifer snickered. “Darlene has decided the entire crew romping around Australia are ours until the adventure is over. It amused her, and I saw no reason to argue. The only actual children of ours present is my heir, Kanika, and her stallion, Malcolm. The rest are just temporary adoptees I may return to their actual parents after their adventure. I’ve already arranged for a proper co-parenting deal with your parents, so you and your brother are also ours now.”
“I’m not being paid enough for this,” I informed them.
Darlene giggled. “She’s just so precious, Lucy. Come on. Shapeshift into a badass stallion for me, let’s get some fishing gear, and go fishing. The rest can catch up with us, and we can have front-row seats to the Geese of the Apocalypse.”
“Idowant to watch how that plays out,” Lucifer admitted. “Very well. We’ll accompany Nadine and make certain she can camp without Australia’s various denizens getting her. If we don’t catch anything, we can teleport home for part of the evening before returning.”
“We will catch something,” Darlene growled.
“And apparently, we will catch something. Nadine, I’ll text you with the address of the store. We’ll meet you there.”
“Can I run away now?”
“Only if you want us chasing you,” the Devil replied before hanging up.
On second thought, I would meet Lucifer and Darlene at the store. I valued my life and sanity and didn’t want to know what it felt like to have the forces of hell nipping at my heels.
FIFTEEN
Why did you leash your wife?
The Devil showed up with a snow leopard in tow, and she wore a bejeweled collar and leash. In some effort to hide his identity, he’d made an appearance as a white man. The tiny horns sprouting through his jet-black hair betrayed his identity. As I’d heard rumor of the succubus he’d married, who was a snow leopard shapeshifter, I came to the conclusion he’d somehow collared and leashed his wife.
“Why did you leash your wife?” I whispered when certain no one could overhear me.
Icy, who’d followed me into the store, rested her chin on my shoulder.
“I challenged her to a paper-rock-scissors match and won. I demanded she wear her spots for me. This wasn’t quite what I meant, but as I failed to specify, she played me. The round ultimately went to her. The store only allows animals who are leashed, bridled, or otherwise contained, so she agreed to wear her bling.”
I took a moment to admire the collar and leash. “Her bling is beautiful.”
“Thank you. I found and cut every stone personally. I even took her on a few of the field trips to get the perfect gems for this ensemble. So, we’re both adept shapeshifters, and while she can adopt any shape she wants, she typically stays close to her natural form as possible. As I want to see how long it takes for our family to recognize us, we’ll be practicing when we aren’t fishing. My darling is better at tricking people than I am, truth be told.”
“It’s the horns,” I replied, pointing at this hair. “Those definitely give you away.”
