Page 1 of The Time It Takes
WHEN HEART BONES BREAK.
Ten years ago
Isteppedoutofmy Lyft at the airport when I heard someone yelling my name. My head jerked unconsciously in that direction before I could stop myself.
Him.
I closed my eyes, taking in a breath as I let my shoulders fall.
After closing the car door behind me, I lifted my suitcase onto the curb. Not being able to stop myself, I turned to see him running toward me. He was panting heavily by the time he reached me—eyes looking wild.
This was the first time in the last few months that I let myself look at him, really look at him. The dark bags under his eyes told me that he’d been sleeping just as terribly as I had. His eyes were swollen and red. I immediately wanted to escape the pain I knew this goodbye was going to give me. My heart ached in my chest, but I knew I had to do this. I couldn’t stay and go back to normal in a place that’s taken so much from me.
I’m so sorry, Ollie.
He looked utterly broken. I’ve never seen him so disheveled. I sucked in a sharp, shaky breath the moment he stopped directly in front of me, his chest heaving. He was beautiful, even like this.
But I’m only about to break his heart more.
His eyes fell across my luggage and his nostrils flared. Anger—anger was good. He should hate me. I hated me too.
“I don’t get a goodbye?” he asked, spreading his arms out before dropping them. Hurt eyes searched my face.
“I can’t do this with you,” I said, my voice cracking and giving away the emotions I was trying to hide. He stepped closer to me with a desperate look, and I flinched. Pain flashed across his innocent face and I knew there was only regret etched on mine.
You don’t understand. I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry.
“Willow, please.” His eyes were pleading, yet I couldn’t give in. My body refused it. I’ve never seen him like this before—so completely crushed.
You did this.
His heart wasn’t the only one being ripped from the chest. I knew his hand was going to reach for me again before he had any knowledge of it himself.
I shook my head abruptly. “Don’t,” I hissed through my teeth, nearly choking on my words. “Do not touch me, Ollie. I mean it.”
His mouth opened and his breathing quickened just as he had begun to calm. He didn’t understand and I didn’t have the energy to make him. It felt as if the clothes on my body weren’t enough of a boundary. I needed something else. Something that would hide me completely.
I was on my way to New York, just like I had planned. I spent my entire senior year wondering how I’d be able to go through with it. I never thought I’d be able to leave everything I knew behind, but things changed. I’ve changed and suddenly everything here began to feel like too much of a memory. Leaving to chase my dream finally felt like the right thing to do—the only thing.
I didn’t want to leave him, but it was as if my body didn’t know how to be his anymore. I needed to figure out how to make it mine again first.
He took two steps back and the air seemed to rush back into my lungs. He clasped his hands together and placed them on top of his head. “I’m sorry,” he mumbled. “I’m sorry.”
His apology made me want to rip out his tongue. He’s sorry. It made me sick to my stomach at how repulsed I was by those words.Sorry changes nothing, I realized. For neither of us.
What Sadie told me that night came back in full force, searing into my brain like a hot iron. A secret that gave me hope that everything was going to be alright. I knew I had to hold onto it.
“I have to go,” I told him. My flight was in forty minutes, and I needed to leave before I changed my mind.
Would you still want me if I told you the truth?
I watched as panic set into him. I could see the urge in his posture to pull me into his arms and never let me go. Yet, he stood as still as a stone. His body was rigid with emotion he couldn’t let out. He looked like he was at such a loss, and if I didn’t think my heart could break anymore, I was wrong.
You’re doing this to him.
He gave me a jerky nod, his eyes turning glassy.
I turned and began to walk away because I couldn’t stand the sight of him like this. I couldn’t stand to watch his heart break at my command.
