Page 95 of Always Beth
C
I smile at the sign off, this is off record, as a friend. The thought of going home and seeing Beth fills me with a mixture of joy and fear all wrapped into one. But why would I need to go home when she’s doing great, it doesn’t make sense. The last thing I want to do is stir things up for her if she’s happy. My face falls as I glance at the date, this was weeks ago now. Deep regret starts to set in that maybe too much time has passed. Skipping to the next email, my stomach sinks.
James
Hope this email finds you well.
Lauren left you as her point of contact for the cottage. We wanted to let you know that the lease is up for renewal for your current tenant, and she’s decided not to renew.
When convenient I would like to discuss searching for a replacement, but I wanted to know if you’re as relaxed about it as Lauren was? When we found the current tenant, she wasn’t the best candidate. We had a couple with no pets who could pay their rent up front for twelve months, but for some reason Lauren opted to go with Ms Cross. If a similar situation arises how would you like to proceed?
Kind regards
Peter
A chill runs through my body as the hairs stand up on the back of my neck. Why did she choose Beth if she wasn’t the best candidate? I rip the sheets from around me and pull my suitcase from the wardrobe. My hands hesitate at the zip, as my heart begins to pound. I take a deep breath and open the case slowly, revealing Lauren’s letter. I couldn’t bring myself to open it, hoping that one day I’d find the strength, but now I need answers and this is the only place I can hope to find them.
Alright loser,
Firstly, if you’re reading this it means I’m brown bread. Secondly, I hope you’re looking after Richard?
This is the hardest letter I’ve ever had to write. I wasn’t afraid of dying, James, I was afraid of saying goodbye and I’m sorry I took that away from you as well. The truth is, even death can’t keep us apart because I’ll be a part of you forever. Having a twin has been the greatest blessing of my life, but it’s been the curse of those around us. Even in my absence I know that’s still the case, because wherever you are, I know you haven’t found happiness or peace and it’s not only you that’s suffering. You’re only reading this letter because you’re searching for answers, trying to find out what hare-brained schemes I was up to behind your back. I honestly thought it would be harder than it was. I didn’t think you’d fall for her the moment you saw her, I thought I’d at least have to push you together, but it turns out she’s perfect for you. It was luck that she applied to be the tenant, but it was fate that made me choose her. You’ve got the rest of your life now, don’t waste it. Go to her. Because if you don’t, I’ll haunt you.
Love you forever,
Lauren x
I toss the letter along with the envelope back on the bed and out flies something else. It’s tiny, it’s not surprising I missed it. Holding it up to the light I examine it. A keyring. It has a code on it and what I think is the Spotify symbol. I quickly grab my phone and scan it.
‘MMMBop’by Hanson. She’s got to be kidding me. What is it with her and this song? As the song plays, I focus on the lyrics at the bottom of the screen.Shit.My chest tightens. I thought it was a load of noise, I didn’t even listen to the words, even at the funeral I blocked them out. But she knew I would, that’s why this keyring is here. I’m the world’s biggest idiot. She chose her. Lauren chose Beth and I’ve abandoned her. And now she’s leaving and I’ve no idea where she’s going and there’s no way the letting agent is going to tell me.
ChapterTwenty-Six
Beth
No one tells you that you lose the ability to complete simple tasks when you’re pregnant. Packing has taken over my life and I’m already forgetting what I’ve put where; I’ve serious baby brain right now. Poppy is resting in her basket with a cone to rival a satellite dish clasped firmly around her neck. I finally got her to the vet so at least there’ll be no more pregnancies for her. Dick’s kept his distance since she came home, it’s almost like he knows. Every so often he checks on her, but for the most part he leaves her be. At the very least she has that, which is more than I do. As I glance from the kitchen window, I see David arrive at my gate. As our eyes meet, he smiles at me gently and I reciprocate. I’m starting to think this is a bad idea. Who am I kidding? David isn’t going to fill the void left by James. It’s going to be a long time until I find someone who compares. Someone who sets my very soul on fire just at the sight of them. David’s safe and dependable and everything the baby and I need, and the very fact he even considered asking me on a date when I’m carrying another man’s child, says something about his character.
‘Hi.’ I pull the door open slowly as I attempt to catch my breath.
‘Wearing you out today, is she?’
‘She is, I think she’s practising gymnastics in there.’ I rub my stomach in circular motions as I attempt to calm her.
I reach behind the door, grab my jacket and attempt to wrestle myself into it. Seeing my distress, David moves to help me and as his hands brush against my bare skin, I close my eyes in anticipation of even the tiniest of feelings, but there’s nothing, no matter how hard I try to forget, my body can’t. It belongs to James, and I’m forever ruined, mind, body and soul.
‘I thought we could go into the main town, more places to eat.’ He guides me gingerly along the path and frustration starts to build inside me, why can’t I let it go?
‘Where’s the car?’ I ask, flicking my gaze back and forth.
‘Just up the lane, I couldn’t find a space.’
Suddenly my super sense of smell kicks in and musky notes fill my head and transport me back to a time that makes my heart pound and my pulse quicken. As we squeeze through the gate, we come to an abrupt halt as my eyes hit a brick wall of broad muscularity that’s alarmingly familiar. My breath falters as I glance up to confirm my suspicions.
James
‘Hey, mate, long time.’ David throws his hand forward as James grips it firmly.
I stand glued to the spot, stunned into silence. James’ eyes find mine and travel slowly down my body, resting finally on my stomach.
