Page 103 of Always Beth
I dash from the cottage without a second thought, the RSPCA and Childline would have a field day if they knew how irresponsible I was being with my brood. I cling to the gate and peer through the archway and spot him loading the final bits into his van.
‘David, I need you to look after the dogs!’
James
I should have known today would be a write-off. I’ve had a steady stream of visitors to my office and not one of them wants to hear about my time in Argentina. It’s Beth and the baby, that’s all they’re interested in, and for every picture I share or question I answer, it makes me miss them that little bit more. It’s even harder when you’re technically not with the mother of your child, but everyone assumes otherwise and it’s too damn awkward to correct them.
‘Penny for them?’
I see Caroline hovering outside my office.
Pushing myself back from the desk, I exhale heavily. ‘I’m struggling to get back into it.’
‘It’s been five hours. You were off for over twelve months. It will take a period of readjustment. Not that you’re sticking around for long, are you?’ She raises her eyebrow as she pushes a piece of paper towards me.
‘Ah yes, I was going to mention that. I—’
‘Think it’s the best thing you could do.’ Her face lights up as she perches on the edge of the desk.
I chuckle as I pull the paper towards me. ‘So you don’t hate me?’
‘Why would I hate you? It’s been on the cards for years, it’s not a surprise. You lost your way for a bit, but we all end up where we’re supposed to in the end. James Taylor KC, has quite a ring to it.’
‘Lauren would kill me if I didn’t pursue it. I’m doing it for her as much as I’m doing it for myself.’ I glance out across the city and it pains me how life just carries on.
‘How’s the little one?’ Caroline says, drawing me back into the room.
‘Amazing, I just wish, you know…’
‘I know. She would have been a fantastic auntie.’
‘Yeah, she would. She’d have led her astray though.’
‘And Beth?’
Dropping my pen to the desk, I lean back in my chair and loosen my tie from around my neck.
She frowns, sliding into the seat opposite. ‘That good, huh?’
‘I don’t know. It’s too little too late, I think. Let’s look at the facts, I started a relationship with her that I knew damn well I couldn’t maintain, but despite that she supported me through Lauren’s illness and then to show my gratitude I pay her legal bills behind her back, knock her up and travel to the other side of the world, all because I think she’s better off without me, and now I say it out loud, I’m convinced I’m right.’ I release a long-drawn-out breath.
She shuffles uncomfortably in her seat and I think this is the first time in over ten years I’ve managed to render her speechless.
‘That’s a compelling case you’ve got there, but I wouldn’t write things off completely, you might have made mistakes, but your intentions were honourable.’
My eyes widen, it’s the first time I’ve ever heard someone say my intentions were honourable when it comes to the fairer sex, but then without realising it, Beth changed me, so in my own strange way they were.
‘You’re too hard on yourself.’
I shrug, pressing my palms into my eye sockets, being this far away from them, I’ve had little to no sleep and it’s not making things any easier.
‘How much longer are you gracing us with your presence then?’ she says, changing the subject.
‘Two weeks, three max,’ I murmur.
‘And then what? Back to the country?’
I stare out the window at the dreary city landscape. There was a time when I’d have chosen this without question, but my heart just isn’t here anymore. But what sort of welcome I have waiting for me back in the country, I don’t know.
