Page 71 of All of Him
Amanda remained still as I pulled my face back again to look at her. Her eyes were closed tight, her lashes twitching with uncertainty. I pulled my hand from hers and let it caress her jaw, running my thumb over her cheek. I leaned closer, letting our noses brush. I could feel her breath on my mouth, making it harder for me to control myself.
As much as I wanted to repeat the kiss from nearly a month earlier, I knew that it would have more consequences than the first time. So, instead of pressing my lips to hers, I pulled back. Amanda bit the inside of her cheek and leaned against the back of the swing, content with my decision.
“Sorry,” I whispered, grinning bigger than I should have. “I’m a little drunk.”
“It’s okay.” She laughed, keeping her eyes on mine. “Can I ask you something?”
“Shoot.”
“Are you afraid of going back to Ireland?”
I shook my head.
“Not anymore,” I answered honestly. “But I was at first.”
Amanda rested her head on her hand and adjusted her legs, letting the weight of them fall onto my lap. I reached up, running my fingers delicately up and down her denim-covered shin.
“Why the change of heart then? Why are you not afraid anymore?”
“Because you’ll be there for me,” I whispered, letting my eyes flash back to her lips for a split second.
Amanda tipped her head forward, letting it rest on my shoulder, and wrapped her hand gently around my bicep.
“Thank you for letting me be there for you. I know I was pushy at first.”
“Manda,” I whispered, nudging her so she’d sit up. “Amanda, look at me.” I waited patiently as she untangled herself from me, leaning back against the swing. “You’ve really done a number on me—in a good way. I know that I pushed back at first, but now, I see that letting you pushmegave me the opportunity to talk things out. Because of you, I have fewer panic attacks. I smile more. I laugh more. You have absolutely upended my old way of living, if you even want to call what I was doingliving.”
“Really?” she asked, apprehensive.
I grinned.
“You see this smile? You helped do this. Be proud of that.”
Amanda took a deep breath, and I reached to wipe away her tears with my thumbs, letting my palms caress her jaw. She leaned her cheek into my hand and closed her eyes, a smile taking over.
I might love this girl.
Leaning forward, I kissed the tears off of her cheeks. I grabbed her hand again, my forehead pressed to hers, and closed my eyes. Just as I had a few minutes before, I let our noses brush. Tilting my head slightly, I drew my face closer, my chapped lips skating across her soft ones in a whisper of a touch.
And then her palm pressed against my chest.
“I can’t,” she said. “We can’t. We’re drunk.”
I inhaled deeply, letting it out slowly enough to gather myself. She was right. I needed to think about everything while sober before making a rash decision.
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry,” I answered. “It’s the right call.”
39
Amanda
NOAH AND IDEFINITELYshould have discussed the moment on his back porch. Instead, we pretended like it hadn’t happened. While, in the moment, I’d wanted to kiss him so badly, his hesitance had made it clear that he didn’t know what he wanted. With what had happened, I assumed that he had some feelings for me, but I didn’t know the extent. So, instead of being a big girl and asking him about it, I ignored the entire incident.
We both did.
I was proud of myself, however, for having stopped the kiss. I’d felt the moment too deeply. I’d needed to get out, to breathe and think. Kissing Noah again would push me further, make me want something I wasn’t sure I was ready for. Even with all the talk of us being just friends, both of us seemed to have figured out what the inevitable was. And I wasn’t ready to surrender my heart just yet. Because that was what I would do for Noah Murphy—surrender everything.
