Page 70 of All of Him
“Hey,” she said, holding up her hands defensively. “You two are almost twenty-five; you do what you want. I just want to make sure she isn’t going to get her heart broken. She’s not a commitment girl, so if she falls and you don’t feel the same…” She paused, shaking her head. “I’m not sure how you’d handle that one, to be honest. I’m just saying that she would really be putting herself out there if she wanted any kind of relationship with you.”
“She doesn’t,” I said, slightly annoyed.
“I don’t know, kiddo,” she disagreed. “She definitely has a crush. So, tread carefully. She’s never gone beyond that point with anyone. Dating scares her.”
“Dating is also a two-person agreement,” I shot back. I wasn’t trying to be mean, but I felt the need to get defensive with Teel. “Listen,” I continued, softening my voice, “Amanda is my best friend. Do I want to date Amanda? No. Should I be dating anyone right now anyway? Definitely not. On the off chance that she falls for me, I’ll do the best I can to let her down easy. I care about her.”
Teel raised her eyebrow, as if she knew my exact thoughts. It was like she’d witnessed my heart pounding the morning Amanda and I lay in my bed. I felt her eyes scan my body for any clue that I was lying. I wasn’t. I didn’t want todateher; I wanted tohaveher. Dating sounded so juvenile and shallow for what we had. But like I’d told Teel, I had no business being with anyone.
After the party ended, Amanda and I ended up on the back porch swing. It was well after one in the morning and below freezing outside, but we didn’t care. I also had far too many drinks in me to behave myself.
Amanda sat on the swing next to me, sideways, covered in a blanket. Her bent legs arched over my lap, but not so low that they were resting on mine. She leaned her head into my chest, and I let my cheek fall to the top of her head. She shivered, and I felt the alcohol release my inhibitions. Trying to be careful, but also not really giving a shit, I let my arm drape over her shoulders.
“You have fun?” she asked, her voice vibrating my chest.
“I did. That was awesome, a great idea.”
Amanda sighed and put her arms around me. I let myself exhale slowly, my breath shaking as my heart rate sped up.
“Thank you for convincing me.”
“You’re warm,” she said, lifting her head, but not letting go.
Her face was so fucking close, and I wanted to kiss her. Thankfully, the sober half of my brain held me back. Still, my eyes landed on her lips, and a chill ran through my body. I watched as she pressed them together, then released them. By the way she stared back, I knew Teel was right. She at least had a crush on me.
I clenched my jaw and met her eyes with my own. If she pushed her hair behind her ear, I would be fucked. Luckily, she only laid her head back down on my shoulder. I let the tension I’d been holding release, my head falling back against the swing.
“Is this too much?” she asked.
“No,” I whispered, picking my head back up to meet her gaze. “It’s perfect.You’reperfect.”
Amanda smiled and lifted her hand, running her fingers through my shaggy hair. No woman had ever done that to me, and it felt amazing, sending a buzzing sensation down my spine.
“I didn’t know my scalp was so sensitive,” I groaned.
Amanda laughed and smoothed it back into place.
“Sorry I dragged you into a closet earlier.”
“You’ve done and said stranger things,” I responded, making her playfully pretend to slap me. Instead of blocking her hand, I held mine up to catch it, then interlaced her fingers with my own.
She made eye contact with me, surprised, then let our hands fall to her knees, still entangled.
“You’re holding my hand,” she said quietly as I stroked her thumb with my own. “Noah?”
I kept my eyes on hers, concentrating on how good it felt to have her hand in mine. It was cold but still warmed me to my core.
“Noah, why are you…”
I leaned forward, as if I was going to kiss her, but stopped short, my forehead meeting hers lightly. Amanda flinched, but didn’t pull away. I took slow, deliberate breaths, making sure I was thinking everything through. But I had no business even being that close to her mouth. I grabbed the side of her neck with my free hand and tilted my head so my mouth was right over the other side.
“Noah,” Amanda said breathlessly.
I lowered my face to below her ear, my lips slightly parted, and gently kissed there.
“Oh my God.”
“You can’t move,” I said, tucking my forehead into the crook of her neck. “Don’t move.”
