Page 75 of Off the Mark
He cast his eyes to the sky, like it held the answers he was searching for. “I know what women think I’m good for, and they’re not wrong to believe it.You’renot wrong to believe it. I had a lot of fun messing around back then. And to be brutally honest? I’m still doing a lot of that now. Doesn’t mean I’m proud of how I acted all the time at Jolene’s, and I thought you would get that. But Dempsey was right.”
I reared back. “Dempsey was right about what?”
“That it’s too hard for you to open up to people and let them in. And I know why, for you, it’s so terrifying. I get it.” He lowered his voice again, but it was more intimate this time. “But it’s you and me, Charlie. It’s always beendifferentbetween us, hasn’t it?”
All those insecurities and fears came roaring back, shaped by our time together at Jolene’s. “I don’t…fuck, I don’t know,” I blurted out.
But before I could own up to thatovertlie, Rowan was already fixing a grim smile to his face. My stomach hollowed out.
“Well. You can’t say that I didn’t try. Again.”
“Rowan, you can’tfault mefor wanting to employ a little bit of self-preservation in this,” I said, exasperated. “For two years, I watched you treat the women of my town like they were disposable, watched women get their hopes up and their hearts broken byyou. Yes, we were younger. Yes, we both made a lot of mistakes. But I’d be lying if I said it didn’t affect whether or not I think of you as someone who”—won’t shatter my heart into a million pieces—“could be serious about dating. Real dating, which is a lot harder than all the pretending we’ve been doing for the cameras.”
He propped his hands on his hips, a muscle in his jaw popping. “I still don’t stand a chance here, do I?”
I opened my mouth, but was too stunned, too flustered, to answer. He blew out a jagged breath, turning at the sound of Dean pulling up a few feet away.
“Listen, my ride is here,” he said wearily. “Forget everything I said just now. I’m under all this stress at work and I haven’t slept and I’m talking nonsense. I don’t want some Instagram gossip to start a rumor that we’re breaking up—”
My body should not,should not, have broken out in a cold sweat at that.
“—so is it okay if I kiss you?” he finished.
I lifted my chin and nodded. “Sure. That’s fine.”
He swooped in, and I was all too aware of how short and clipped his question had been, when just days earlier those same words—where would you like me to kiss you, Charlie?—had trembled with desire.
His hand on my back was warm, his lips soft, but his body was taut and unyielding.
Like he was faking it.
“Rowan, wait,” I whispered, resisting the urge to cling to his shirt, “You can’t leave now. We need to talk about all of this.”
His lips brushed my temple. A bolt of pure yearning shot through me. “I’ll see you in a few days for the gala, okay? Congrats on your win today. I’m so glad I was here to see it.”
Then he was striding off, having a quick, whispered conversation with Dean before jumping in the passenger side. Dean lifted his hand and they took off, down the gravel road along the parking lot then squealing off onto the highway.
I watched him go, aware that I needed to act naturally so it didn’t look like my fake boyfriend and I just had arealfight about ourrealfeelings and were now, potentially, fake breaking up.
It was fuckingabsurd.
I went about packing the rest of my gear with my body language as loose as I could manage given that I was half stunned. Half exasperated.
All the waypissed off.
I was used to the array of garbage men I dated peeling off in a car after getting in a fight with me about something trivial. It usually signaled the end of our casual, emotionless relationship.
So it wasn’t the sudden argument that was surprising. It was who I was arguingwith.
A man who was perpetually unruffled and unbothered, laughing every time I turned him down. Flirting with me shamelessly until he got me to smile.
We absolutely werenotdating, and yet there was a vulnerability in his frustration that had me more rattled than what any previous boyfriend had ever said to me.
And what didthatmean?
18
ROWAN
