Page 76 of Off the Mark
Two days after my fight with Charlie, I was still in a mood about it. And the mood was a shit sandwich of frustration, regret, and a cringe-y embarrassment every time I replayed it in my head.
Right now, I was doing that at least once an hour. More if I wanted to make myself extra miserable.
Charlie Maddox was making mefeelthings.
Undefinable things that went so far beyond my usual lust and flirtation I was scared to explore them. She’d been so captivating and powerful on her bike that race—had leapt into my arms like Imeantsomething to her—and I was just proud to be by her side.
Even if it was under false pretenses.
So I took my usual blend of foolish courage and decided to ruin everything by doing something stupid—ask Charlie out on an actual date.
Her wariness toward the idea had been so obvious, so immediate, that I fumbled through the truth and told her a mean lie.You don’t have to worry about me catching feelings for you. I’m not.
The thing was, Charliewasopening up. She’d given me a beautiful inch, and I’d stolen a mile. She didn’t trust me not to hurt her because she thought I was still that type of guy. And all I’d done since she’d walked back into my life was tell her Iwasthat guy.
I should have been more honest. Even if it was messy. Even if I didn’t understand it all. Should have tried harder to get her to see the way we used to care for one another, back at Jolene’s. I stacked stools and she changed my tires, or I cleaned glasses and she fed my team for free…didn’t she get it?
We were always turning toward each other.
The night I hurt my shoulder, when I was being led out to the ambulance, they’d asked me who I wanted to call to meet me at the hospital. My entire block would have shown up if I’d asked them to—and later on, I did.
But in a moment when I was composed of nothing but pain and grief, when there was no place left for me to hide, I had calledCharlie.
Instead of saying any of that, we’d pissed each other off, and then I’d driven away with Dean like a sulky teenager. Even the especially raucous kiddie pool night we’d had with my grandmother following our argument hadn’t shaken loose my sour mood.
I’d been aggravated in a way I hadn’t been in a while, the sudden argument bringing up all my old insecurities from my shoulder injury, how easily my team had let me go.
I’d only ever been a body to them. And then I’d gone and agreed to be just a body for Charlie too.
Certainly not anything more than that.
Sighing, I reached back and shut my storm door. Walked down my stoop carrying cups of coffee and Eddie and my grandmother’s favorite cannoli. Ever since Dean, Tabitha, and the rest of the neighbors had come together a couple of summers ago to turn the abandoned lot on their street into a miniature park, I spent half my mornings chatting with Eddie and Alice while Dean and Tabitha busied themselves in their now overflowing community garden.
Humidity sat heavy on the streets though it was barely seven thirty in the morning. Kids raced by on their bikes while some played on their stoops. I waved to a couple neighbors hosing down their front sidewalks, the air filled with the smell of the steam, the hot asphalt, a coconut-scented sunscreen.
I could already see Eddie, leaning over the fence of the park, cigarette in his mouth and Tiffany the kitten perched on his shoulder. I opened my mouth to call out a greeting, but then my phone buzzed in my pocket.
It was Luciana.Shit.
I ducked into a side alley and picked up the call. “Mornin’. Thanks again for walking me through that headache of a grant report the other day. Felt like I was stumbling around in a maze the whole time.”
She chuckled softly. “No one knows how to do them. I swear they make them complicated on purpose.”
“I’ll say.”
“I’m always here to help. You’re doing us the biggest favor, filling in like this during a hectic time.”
I propped my foot up on the wall behind me. “It’s no problem. I’m hoping you’re calling before eight because it’s good news?”
I heard the unmistakable sounds of Luciana making breakfast for her son, Benny. “It’s a mix of both. The good news is that you should check your email, because I got an alert last night that a $10,000 donation came through on the website from some local philanthropist. Steve…”
“Duncan?” I stammered.
“That’s it. Did you speak with him? He sent a message and included me on it, asking for a tour at a future date and said that he’d spoken to you twice, as well as someone named Charlie…Maddox?” She laughed a little. “I’m not entirely sure but I think she races motorcycles, so was curious how you’re all connected because I couldn’t put it together.”
Charlie. I tipped my head back and squinted up into the cloudless sky.
“I can see why it’d be confusing. Charlie is my…” I paused. “She’s my girlfriend and she happens to race dirt bikes. And is damn talented too. This huge convention is being held in Center City right now and she’s making a point to introduce me to some of the local rich folks who sponsor these types of things.”
