Page 30 of Seeking Stars
"That's… probably right," he said with a smirk. "I guess, yes, I would still be able to find work, even if it's not as often as I do now. But work is only a part of my life. I really don't think how I look will do anything for my relationships. How attractive I am is a factor only for casual stuff, not for long term relationships."
"People who love you don't love you because of your looks, but for who you are."
"That's exactly my point. How attractive I am doesn't matter for the things that matter." Liam shrugged. "But I know it does work in my favor."
It took her a couple of minutes to let his words sink in. She straightened her legs on the lounge chair, crossing them at the ankles.
"I suppose that how attractive you are functions for you the same way it does for everyone. Privilege and objectification."
He nodded. "I think so. Is that how it's been for you too, then? How do you handle being attractive?"
She whipped her head to look at him. He stared back, dead serious.
"How I handle it?" she asked, her voice coming out thinner than before.
"Yes, you. I'm sure you've had to figure that stuff out, too."
She squinted her eyes at him and tried to joke. "Are you looking for payback?"
He lifted his hands defensively. "You told me I could ask questions."
He was clearly not letting her get away with misdirection.
She crossed her arms and leaned back, thinking it over. "I guess it's hard for me to think we can compare experiences. You're classically attractive. You're Hollywood Hot. You've probably been seen as attractive half your life. You're what, thirty?"
"Thirty one in a month."
"Right. So let's say you've known you're attractive since you were sixteen. That's practically half your life. I really didn't have much luck in that department until my early twenties." She shook one of her feet. "So only for the past five years or so, and not nearly to the same degree as you. Plenty of people think I'm unattractive, too."
"Okay," he said as if he found it hard to believe but was trying to. His eyes roamed her thighs, the same ones that had been called too big and too fat before. "And how do you feel when seen as attractive, over these past few years?"
She gazed at the horizon, pretending not to notice and not to care if he was checking her out. She didn't change her position to hide the rolls on her belly. "It has pros and cons. When I started being seen as… pretty, maybe; when that began— it felt different. People smiled at me more and sometimes I thought that people let me get away with things, like a traffic ticket or something. Or they suddenly saw my parent's background as romantic rather than controversial because they immigrated here. There may be more I didn't notice. At the same time… I don't like that it's harder to be invisible. So, yeah, I think I tend to avoid spending a lot of time on my looks, you know, in my everyday, because I don't want to add to that. I'd rather be comfortable living my life in the safety of being average looking unless I feel like making an effort—"
He scoffed. "You're not average looking."
Ana's words died in her throat.
He frowned, eyes glassy as if his words surprised him and needed to re-evaluate his thoughts. His face relaxed a second later, a small grin accompanying the twinkle in his eyes.
"I'm not going to pretend I didn't say that."
"Okay."
"You were saying that you try not to flaunt your hotness because you want to blend in."
"I don't think we need to exaggerate here," she tried. A smile forced its way on her face despite herself.
It seemed that flirty Liam had made yet another appearance. It was dangerous how often he moved them into that territory.
His grin widened. "That you have to work hard at hiding how good-looking you are."
"Stop." She chuckled, keeping her eyes off him.
"That being so fetching is hard."
He laughed when she scrunched up her face. She shouldn't care if he found her attractive. She was happy with herself, and that should be enough.
"I'm going to throw this drink at you," she threatened, but it only made him laugh harder.
