Page 44 of You for Her (The Edge of Retaliation 2)
I look back at him.
“It’s worth nothing, nothing at all, I know that, but I am sorry. For what little it matters, I am so fuckin’ sorry. You didn’t deserve what we did to you. I get that now more than ever.”
I swallow and hold his eyes.
It takes a lot, a fucking lot, to admit something like that. He doesn’t owe me anything, just as I don’t owe him anything, and yet hearing that … It means the damn world. It helps, it really does help.
“Thank you,” I whisper, my throat tight. “I appreciate it.”
Then I walk outside, feeling like a tiny weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I came on this trip wanting to hate them all, but slowly I’m realizing that we all have our own demons and our own mistakes. Ethan is right about that, none of us are perfect, none of us are doing right all the time. Hell, we’re all fucked up in our own ways.
I appreciate Tatum’s willingness to apologize for something like that.
I can’t help but wish Tanner would do the same. Maybe then I’d have an excuse to feel the way I’m feeling, maybe then I wouldn’t feel so guilty about the way he still affects me. I exhale and walk over to the truck, climbing in. Ethan is sitting in the back, and his eyes fall on mine when I get in.
“How long are you going to avoid me, Callie?” he asks, his voice tired. “You can talk to Tanner, but you can’t talk to me. You can’t give me the fuckin’ chance to make this better with you?”
I hold his eyes. “You got me through the worst moments of my life. You held me up when I honestly thought I couldn’t keep going. I have feelings for Tanner, I won’t deny that, but I don’t know him the way I know you. It hurts me what he did, but it fucking kills me what you did.”
Ethan shakes his head, frustrated. “I fucked up once, Callie. I stopped then. I gave up my whole fuckin’ family to protect you. I pushed them all aside so I could keep you safe. I didn’t want to be part of their fuckin’ plan but you can’t see that, can you? You can’t see that you were the only fuckin’ family I have left and now I don’t even have that.”
He opens the truck door and gets out.
“Ethan!” I call, but he slams the door without answering.
He goes and gets in Tatum’s car.
My heart aches.
Dammit.
I’m messing this up.
Every step I take, it’s getting more and more complicated.
I don’t know what to do anymore.
I don’t know who to love and who to hate.
I don’t know who I’m allowed to be disappointed in and who I’m not.
I’m so lost.
So damn lost.
“TELL ME ABOUT ETHAN,” I say to Tanner a few hours into our overly silent trip.
“Ethan?” he questions, his voice rough.
“Yes, Ethan. I want to know about him, about how you two became so close. I want to know everything.”
Tanner shakes his head. “That’s not my story to tell. You got issues with Ethan, you need to take them up with him.”
“I’m asking you,” I snap.
“I don’t feel like fuckin’ talkin’ about Ethan!” he growls. “Now let it go.”
“Why?” I push. “Because you fucked up with him, too? What is it you’re so afraid of, Tanner? That I’m going to eventually get the whole story, every gritty detail?”
“No,” he mutters, “I just don’t want to talk about him with you. You and Ethan can go have your own little fuckin’ thing somewhere else.”
What?
What is he talking about?
“Ethan and I were friends, nothing more. But he saved me in that place, which you would know if you ever stopped to ask. In fact, you would know a lot if you ever took the chance to hear my side of the story. Do you have any idea what it was like in there for me?”
“You know what, Callie?” he roars, his hands clenching around the wheel. “I don’t fuckin’ care. I don’t fuckin’ care about you or anything. Shut the fuck up.”
His voice raises so high I flinch.
I’m stunned.
Shocked.
Confused.
He pulls the truck over, and images of yesterday’s little drama come flashing through my mind. He turns to me when the car has stopped and barks, “Get the fuck out of my car. Ride with Tatum.”
“Tanner …” I say, genuinely confused.
“I’m sick of listening to your poor me shit, you want to hate all of us, go the fuck ahead. You’re not the only one suffering, but you don’t give a fuck about that. It’s only you. Get out of my fuckin’ truck!”
He yells it so loudly, I unbuckle my seatbelt quickly and climb out, feeling like I’ve been punched in the chest. I walk over to Tatum’s truck silently and open the back door, saying to Garrett in a hushed voice, “Ride with Tanner.”
