Page 45 of You for Her (The Edge of Retaliation 2)
He gets out without question and goes to Tanner’s truck, climbing in. I get in the back with Jo, and when her eyes meet mine, they’re concerned. She mouths ‘What happened?’ but I shake my head.
I don’t want to talk about it.
Tatum takes off and we get back on the road.
“Are you okay?” Jo asks softly when we’ve been driving in silence for a few minutes.
“No,” I whisper. “No, I’m not.”
“What happened?”
“I asked him about—” I glance at Ethan and nod, then continue “—and he lost it at me. He just lost it. He said he doesn’t want to talk about him, and I made the mistake of mentioning how things were for me in prison and he just lost it. He said not everything is about me and then pulled over and told me to get out.”
Jo nods, as if she knows exactly what is going on. “I don’t think he’s taking all of this as well as you think he is,” she says softly, so the guys can’t hear.
“I know that but—”
Jo puts a hand up, not in a rude manner, just to get me to stop. “Listen, I love you, so much, but this goes a lot deeper than we first thought. It’s not just about us and our anger anymore. The last few days I’ve spent in this car, listening to Tatum talk, listening to Ethan, I realize that they’ve been through a lot too. So much more than we probably realized. Everyone is hurting here right now. Everyone is worried about someone, or something, and I think we all need to stop and be considerate of what the other person is feeling.”
“I feel like I’m being punished for being hurt about what they did,” I say, softly.
“You’re not, because you have every right to be hurt about what they did. It was wrong, on so many levels. When this is done, you never have to see any of them again. All I’m saying is that everyone is really struggling, so on this trip, I think we just need to put it behind us because it’s not going to get easier and we need to be able to stick together.”
“You think I should apologize to Tanner?”
“No.” She shakes her head. “I just think you need to be aware that he’s processing a lot right now, and even though what he did to you was horrendous, I think he truly believed that he had a reason to do it, now he’s coming to the understanding that he was wrong, and everything he believed was wrong and he’s feeling all of it. Just give him space.”
I nod, giving her a weak smile.
She’s right, I know she’s right.
Why am I finding it so hard to let go? So hard to look past what they did and try to understand that they’re all suffering too. I’m struggling with accepting that, and it’s making me feel like a really bad person because I know everyone is dealing with their own demons right now.
I exhale.
I just wish this would get easier.
But Jo is right, it’s only going to get harder.
So much fucking harder.
I’m not sure I’m ready for it.
14
WE’VE GOT ONLY ONE more day of driving left before we find ourselves in Chase’s city. Tatum has been trying to contact him but knows where he’s living so we’re going to start there. I guess the chance of Chase nothing being there is high, Tatum is right, he’s probably freaking out. No doubt worried about what is coming for him. I can’t say I blame him, Chase has a lot to answer for, so many questions he has to face up to.
Then he has to face up to Tanner, to me, and possibly to the police.
Chase’s life is about to be turned upside down.
I can’t feel sorry for him, though.
He needs to own up to what he did. To what happened to Celia.
He needs to face it.
All of it.
I haven’t spoken to Tanner since he kicked me out of his car two days ago. We’ve all just been driving, sleeping, driving, and sleeping. Nobody has anything to say, we’re all scarily quiet, no doubt lost in our own thoughts.
I’m riding with Tanner again today, because Jo wanted to have a nap on the backseat of Tatum’s car. Ethan and I are back with Tanner, and of course everything is quiet. Nobody is speaking. Nobody is dealing with anything. Everyone is just letting things burn inside them until we’re all going to combust and cause chaos wherever we go.
I glance back at Ethan who is sleeping soundly on the backseat, his hands tucked under his head. Not only is he barely talking to me, but I actually feel like I want to sort things out with him. I want all of this to go away, yet my stubborn side is stopping me from taking that step.
