Page 86 of ReTreat Yourself

I discover Oliver is taking the whole day off worrying about work to help me. Well, he’s certainly helped with a few things so far. I haven’t felt this buzzed for years. I’m all giddy and high from endorphins.

Hoorah!

‘What now?’ he asks as we lie entwined together in a tangle of sheets.

My mind is ablaze with possibilities. Does he mean what now in terms of sexual activity? What now for the rest of the afternoon? What now for our relationship? What now for the rest of our lives together?

Men, they ask the most loaded questions, don’t they?

I gaze lustfully into his sparkling eyes. They are full of something. Adventure, passion, mischief. I never want this magical moment to end. I should try to impress him with how fun and spontaneous I am. After all, that is a very hard act to follow in terms of vibe and endorphin-levels.

‘Erm, maybe we could go swimming with dolphins? Or paragliding?’

Or looking for rings and wedding venues?

‘I meant back to the bank to register you as autónomo for your taxes, or to the office to sort out the ledgers?’

He even makes ledgers sound sexy. I sigh dreamily.

‘No,’ he says. ‘Definitely do not look at me like that. We’ll never get anything done otherwise. I’m barely keeping it together as it is.’

Against my better judgement, we hunt for our clothes which have been flung about the room. I catch a glimpse of myself reflected in the glass doors leading onto the balcony. My face is radiating bliss and my hair is twice its original size. I can’t help but notice that I have a positively sexy aura about me.

I turn to give him a look. It must be smouldering because he growls sexily and grabs me to him, kissing my neck and peeling down my bra straps. ‘What did I say about giving me that look?’

Instantly, we are lost in another frenzy of passion. We start kissing again and I am flooded with endorphins that take over my entire brain. Before I know it, my underwear has evaporated against his manly, hot body and we are going at it like rabbits again.

Oliver is definitely one Happy Bunny.

* * *

All the excitement has made Oliver incredibly hungry again. I, of course, am not hungry in the slightest because endorphins have suppressed my appetite. As we walk hand in hand along the promenade back towards my office, it’s all I can do to refrain from skipping. I am trying not to, but I’m smiling as though I’ve just won the Euromillions jackpot rollover. Oliver has a dewy-eyed look about him too.

‘Let’s buy lunch for the others before we go back and sort out your business affairs,’ he says.

He is every lovely word I can possibly think of.

We stop off to buy crusty sandwiches, crisps and diet sodas to take back to the office.

‘Milly-May has agreed to support our marketing for free!’ screeches Ava excitedly as soon as I walk in. She waves her phone at me so that I can see a carousel of photos of Milly-May in skimpy swimming suits draped uncomfortably over beds, balconies and sun loungers with the caption hashtag law of attraction hashtag live your best life. The post has attracted lots of interest from her many, many followers. ‘In exchange for some life coaching from you.’

Not free then. I rise above it. This is a massive coup for us.

I am also over the moon to see Maria-José-Inmaculada-Carmen looking flustered every time she mentions the cute-looking waiter, Alejandro, and the catering requirements.

‘Are we all set for tomorrow?’ I ask them both. ‘Coach? Catering? Clients?’

‘Yes, all sorted,’ says Ava. ‘Plus, re our corporate look… I’ll style us so we look on brand, yeah? And we took a few new bookings for you, and Boring Berry rang to say he will need to rearrange tomorrow’s session as he has been invited to the bowling club luncheon. He said to pass on a massive thank you, and that he can’t wait to tell you all about it.’

In my high state, I actually am looking forward to hearing all about Boring Berry’s bowling club luncheon.

‘And the Zoom lady with the troubles has asked if you can go to their workplace and do something with her terrified men before the coach trip,’ adds Maria-José-Inmaculada-Carmen proudly.

‘Mrs Fanny, the author with writer’s block, called to ask if she can interview you,’ Ava says, looking impressed. ‘After her session with you last week, she’s decided to write a novel about a barmy life coach. She sounded super excited.’

Huzzah! Isn’t life wonderful? Oliver must surely think that I am a successful life coach in the making. I go to puff out my chest and sing my own praises before stopping myself just in time. I’m happy but not that happy. Not happy enough to turn into my sister. Or worse, my mother.

‘And Ryan Reynolds has bought a new house,’ Maria-José-Inmaculada-Carmen adds enthusiastically. ‘I have sent you the link in the email.’