Page 22 of The Secret Bookshop in Ireland

‘Okay. I’m listening.’ Ciara nodded, waiting to hear him telling her he had a girlfriend, but when she saw the despair in his eyes she knew he was going to tell her something tragic.

TWELVE

‘Is it about your girlfriend?’ Ciara asked, bracing herself for some disappointing news.

Ronan shook his head. ‘No. It’s about my mother.’ The tone in his voice was suddenly immensely sad.

‘Is she ill?’ Ciara asked gently.

‘Yes. She’s disabled.’

‘I see,’ Ciara said, sensing there was more to come.

Ronan took a deep breath. ‘I don’t know why but I want to explain my situation with my mother to you.’

Ciara sat up straighter. Somehow, she felt like it made sense. ‘Go on.’

Ronan nodded. ‘I live with her in the house where I grew up. And before you think what a pathetic loser I must be to still live at home at the age of thirty-four, you should know that she is in a wheelchair.’

‘Oh, I’m sorry,’ Ciara said, touched by the sudden pain in his eyes. ‘That must be hard for her.’

‘Yes,’ Ronan filled in. ‘And you see, it’s my fault that she’s so disabled.’

‘Oh,’ Ciara said, stuck for words. She didn’t quite know what to say. ‘What happened?’ she asked, feeling he was going to tell her something awful.

‘A traffic accident,’ he said. ‘Eight years ago. I was driving. We were on the way to a birthday party in Kilkenny. My mother’s sister was turning sixty and was giving a big bash in her country house. The accident was all my fault.’

‘Had you been drinking?’ Ciara asked gently.

‘No. I hadn’t,’ Ronan replied. ‘It was nothing like that. I was looking at my phone for just an instant. There was a text message from my then girlfriend. I shouldn’t have paid any attention to it. But I did, and then I swerved into the path of an oncoming truck and then…’

‘Oh no,’ Ciara said, horrified. ‘So you crashed into it?’

Ronan nodded and swallowed nervously. ‘Yes. We had just come off the motorway and turned into the very busy road into Kilkenny town. I actually don’t remember much about it. It all went black and I woke up in the ambulance. I was injured too, but not as badly as she was.’

‘How bad was it for you?’ Ciara asked.

‘A broken leg and a dislocated shoulder. I was concussed too, but the damage was nothing compared to my mother’s. She’s paralysed from the waist down and will never walk again. Her face was also damaged by glass when she was thrown through the windscreen.’

‘How awful,’ Ciara said, feeling close to tears after what she had heard. ‘I’m so sorry.’

‘Thanks,’ Ronan said and looked away. ‘You have no idea how terrible I felt when I realised that my mother’s life was ruined because of me. If only I hadn’t looked at that stupid text message. I felt so guilty and was close to ending my life. But then my aunt said I had to be strong for my mum and help her get back to some kind of life. It was a huge struggle, but, well,I decided to dedicate the rest of my life to her well-being. So I look after her the best I can and try to be cheerful when we’re together.’

‘Do you have any help at all?’ Ciara asked.

‘Oh yes, she has a carer when I’m at work. A wonderful woman from Estonia called Aino. I don’t know what we’d do without her. I’m so grateful to people like her who come to Ireland to work in healthcare.’

‘I know what you mean,’ Ciara said. ‘What would we do without them? I admire them enormously.’

‘Me too,’ Ronan said, looking more cheerful. He sat up straighter and pushed back his wavy dark blond hair. ‘Sorry – I don’t want to upset you, but…’ He shook his head. ‘It’s strange, but your opinion of me matters a lot to me. We have only just met, but I’m here because I’m interested in your story. I mean, the inheritance and Martha Fitzgerald and that you hadn’t a clue who she was, even though she seemed to know all aboutyou.’ His gaze intensified as he returned her focus. ‘I found that so intriguing.’

‘It is a weird story, that’s for sure. And it’s nice to be able to talk about it to someone who isn’t my mother,’ Ciara added with a wry smile.

‘Why?’ Ronan said. ‘Don’t you get on with your mother? I thought she was lovely.’

‘Well, yes, she is, but she’s alwaysatme,’ Ciara replied. ‘Everything I do is slightly wrong, as if I’m not adult enough to make my own decisions. And then she keeps harping on about finding a nice man and settling down, having a family and all that stuff. I’m not ready for that, but she keeps going on about it. Not to mention how I dress and what I eat. I feel like a six-year-old sometimes when I’m with her.’

‘I take it that you’re an only child?’ Ronan suggested, looking amused.