Page 124 of The Never List
“Why?”
“Because there is only one thing I know now with absolute certainty.”
“And that is?”
“I can’t leave them.”
“Not even Jax?” she challenges.
I think back to the night of the Choosing, to the way my heart skipped when I first heard his laugh, the way I felt when he caught me in the library, the way he held me while we danced. Wherever that Jax went, I’m determined to find him again.
Even if I have to swim through nightmares to find him.
“Especially Jax,” I admit with brutal honesty.
Mirren smiles at me, her approval giving me more confidence than I’ll ever admit to her. She’d likely smack me if I did.
“Then what are you waiting for?”
It only takes us twenty minutes to make it to Lust, and I’ve used that time to royally amp myself up. By the time my boots hit the pavement outside the club, I’m raring for a fight because Iknowthat’s what it’ll take to get Jax to open up to me, to get him to believe that sometimes people lie to protect the ones they love.
I’ll have to come at him head-on in order to get him to crack.
Mirren leaves me outside the front of the club, mutteringagood luckunder her breath before she takes off. She must have some confidence in me, because she doesn’t say she’ll be back at any certain time to pick me up. And the Occuli only observe me going inside the club rather than following me in, which makes me think Jax has some rules about them in his establishments.
Which makes perfect sense the minute I’m waved in by the guards at the doors and fully step into Lust.
The place is massive, with thrumming music playing so loud, it’s a marvel anyone can hear in here. The lighting is dark and moody, with bursts of flashing lights in different areas of the trilevel space. The club is clearly drenched in magic.
The main level consists of a giant dance floor and bar, where people are drinking and grinding against one another like there’s no one watching. Goddesses above, there are people who are practically naked as they rock against each other.
My entire body goes hot and taut all at once at the scene, and I quickly tear my eyes off them. I grab a drink at the bar, throwing back a shot of whiskey to help calm my nerves. Jax will be able to tell in a split second how I’m feeling, and the only thing I want him to sense is confidence—and maybe a heaping dose of desire, because let’s be real, I’ve wanted him since the night he chose me.
After a quick scan of the main floor, I wander up to the second level, keeping to the railing of the balcony that overlooks the dance floor below. This level is teeming with gambling—everything from cards to dice to other games I’ve never seen before but I’m mildly interested to try. I’ve never gambled with anything but my life, and to do it formoney sounds like an interesting pastime.
There are three bars on this level, smaller than the one beneath it, and there are rooms with floor-to-ceiling glass windows that overlook the games and the level below, complete with lush couches and…
Goddess help me, there are mini stages in the semi-private rooms, and more than a few are occupied by women holding on to a pole and dancing around it. They’re all gorgeous, of course, and they all know what they’re doing. These smaller stages are popular, each space filled with three or more people, eyes wide and awestruck by the beauties swaying against the poles. The women hold their audience’s attention, garnering a power I can’t even begin to imagine. Their admirers litter the stage with gold coins and even some jewels.
One of the women turns to face me, catching me watching. She curls her fingers, beckoning me to come closer, but I shoot her a wink and shake my head before I continue my hunt for Jax. For some reason, the encounter makes me think of Erin. Makes me think of how good she’d be at the job, with dancing being one of her sultry skills.
I weave through the throngs of people crowding around the gambling tables, shouting out numbers or squeals of excitement, until I come upon another glass room—
And all my warm feelings for the dancers go right out the fucking window.
Because there’s Jax—myJax—arms stretched out along the backside of a plush leather couch, his shirt half unbuttoned, and his legs spread wide as he stares up at a woman who’s bending herself around the pole like it’s her goddess-given power.
37
Rylee
Wind roars around me, so intense my hair flutters across my face. A few of the gamblers groan about the sudden gust of air, but I tame my hair before anyone can notice.
Jax would rather be here, watching this woman shake her ass, than welcome me into his city for his designated month? Would rather be here than trying to get to know who hechose, the one person who might be able to solidify his power and his spot on the throne?
Regret and shame and doubt flood my senses, killing any rage and power desperate to break out of me.
I slip behind a pillar, taking a few moments to collect myself before I continue to watch. Call me a glutton for punishment, I guess, becausegoddess damn, it hurts. But, after a few minutes and some serious deep breaths, I watch as he moves to write something on a piece of parchment as he looks at her in a cold, assessing way.
