Page 123 of The Never List
My heart instantly drops to my stomach, but I try to not show the sting. “Why?” It’s the only word I can choke out.
Mirren takes to unpacking my things, her brow furrowed.
Anger slices through my veins, and I fold my arms over my chest, my mind wandering back to the way Kal and Axl and even Pierce greeted me when I came to their territories.
“I mean,” I say, shaking my head, “I don’t need the royal treatment, but a ‘hello, glad you’re here’ would’vebeen nice.” I grab some of my clothes, helping Mirren store them away in the wardrobe in the corner.
“Jax isn’t like the others,” she says. “You can’t compare them.”
“I’m not comparing them,” I whine. Not out loud, anyway. “I know they’re all different,” I continue, my muscles clenching from the adrenaline racing through my veins. Why is it that whenever Jax is involved, my fight-or-flight instincts are at an all-time high? “But this is a clear indicator he doesn’t want me here. Why should I even bother?”
Mirren tips her chin at me, holding some of my pants against her chest. “Really,” she says, for once in total agreement. “Why should you?”
I narrow my eyes. Sheneveragrees with me.
Pierce’s words about the Nightmare come back to me, along with a flutter of memories from the night of the Choosing. I may have been equally dreading and longing for this moment since that night. But he clearly doesn’t care, or he wants me tothinkhe doesn’t care. Maybe this is a test, to see if I’m brave enough to seek him out…to see if I think he’s worth seeking out.
My heart breaks a little at that thought, and it feels like the closest to the truth.
Well, fuck that. I’m not scared of the bastard; I’mangrywith him.
“Do you know where he is?”
Mirren smiles, just a little. “He’s at his favorite club, Lust.”
A thrill shoots through me. This will go either very well or very badly, but I’m not about to sit here and pout while waiting for him to give me some goddess-damn attention.He chose me, and it’s about time he dealt with his decision.
“Will you help me get ready?” I ask, glancing down at the silk gown I wore from the Emerald Wood.
Mirren visibly brightens before she starts digging through my clothes. “Don’t I always?” she asks and then gets to work.
Thirty minutes later, I look like I’m ready for battle—well, maybe a sex battle, becausedamn.Black strings of fabric crisscross around my legs, the material looking like the nets Axl’s fisherman use. My feet are tucked into a pair of black boots that are standard for riding the Legends’ magical velomages. Almost-too-tiny black leather shorts hug my ass, and a long-sleeve black lace shirt covers my top half, the hint of my silver bra teasing just beneath.
Mirren has kept my hair down and slightly messy, smearing my lips in a bloodred shade while painting my eyes with a dark, smoky shadow that matches the rest of my outfit.
Goddess,Iwant to fight me or fuck me, and maybe that’s all Jax needs for me to prove that I’m not afraid of him. To show him I’m not going anywhere, no matter how many times he calls me a liar, no matter how much he pretends to hate me. I know he doesn’t. He may not like me very much, but he can’t hate me. He proved that when he had my back during the Fader attack in the Sapphire Cove. He needs to see that I’m not going to reject him.
Reject any of them.
“You know this one will be the hardest,” Mirren says. “Are you sure you want to even try?”
There’s the protective instinct I’ve noticed comes out whenever I’m about to formally attach myself to one of the Legends. Mirren isn’t any of their mothers, but she definitelyadopted that role when the goddesses went to sleep.
“You still aren’t being totally honest with them,” she says, shocking the goddesses out of me. She waves off my panicked look. “No need to make up some horseshit, girl. I’ve been with you since the beginning. You think I’m so unobservant? Why do you think I’m always so insistent that I’m the only one who does your hair?”
I open and close my mouth a few times.
She knows. She fucking knows.
So, why hasn’t she turned me in?
Why hasn’t she gone straight to Baydel? She could be rewarded for this kind of information.
Before I can come up with a reason, she steps toward me, eyes scanning my face. “This is it. Time is almost up. And I’ve watched you with Kal and Axl and Pierce. I’ve watched your attitude change. I’ve watched you fall. But if this is all an act because of what you’re clearly hiding, if you reject them afterallof this…I willendyou.”
I purse my lips, respecting her bluntness. Her threat isn’t like those from Baydel, who delights in making my life a living nightmare and gets off on scaring me into submission. No, she’s just stating facts. She’ll kill me if I hurt them after accepting their tokens and wearing them proudly, because she loves them. Loves them like her own.
“I…” I blow out a breath, trying to find the right words. I feel like a piece of shit for not coming clean right here, but my entire life has been built around not speaking the words aloud. “I never wanted to be a mate,” I admit, and she arches an eyebrow at me. “I didn’t go to the Choosing with the hopes and dreams of the other women in attendance. I didn’t want this. I never wanted to be queen or whatever I’llbe at the end of all this. But none of that matters now.”
