Page 54 of Plaidypus
“But I like them. They’re so very stylish.”
“If you want to trick anyone, you’re going to have to sacrifice style for stealth,” I informed him. “But I would be happy to inform you when you no longer look like someone who might be mistaken to be the Devil.”
Darlene prowled over and rubbed against my legs. To my astonishment, the Devil handed over the leash. “I’ll be the mule, and you ladies can meander through the store and drain my wallet dry. I’ve already placed an order for some things, but I wanted to see some gear in person. I haven’t ordered your rod or reel yet. That’s personal. You must love your new rod, which means you must pick it.”
Having gone into fishing shops and spent two hours fondling rods and reels and spending ten minutes getting everything else, I bobbed my head in agreement. “Will Darlene be fishing with us?”
“She has a beloved rod already, and I will retrieve it after we’re done in here. Mostly, I need a new rod because my darling snapped mine into multiple pieces right before our game of rock-paper-scissors. I need a new rod, as I’d had that one for longer than we’ve been married, and that wasn’t acceptable for some reason.”
“Obviously, she wants to watch you fall in love with a newer, better rod. And if she could snap it that easily, was it really a good rod?”
“I’m hurt.”
“Oh. Was I supposed to care if you were hurt?” I asked, widening my eyes.
Darlene rewarded me with purr and rubbed her head against my legs again.
“You might be the meanest Canadian to roam the Earth, possessing more malice than even the geese.” Lucifer pointed across the store. “The rods are that way. As a reward, you can buy however many fancy lures you want, even the absurdly expensive ones that often only last three or four casts before becoming terribly tangled in something and being lost to the water.”
“But how are we going to carry it all?” I asked.
“We won’t. I will teleport it to my home and pick it up as we need it. The precious pieces come with us, but I’m spoiled, and I need ready access to everything I want.”
Were we even camping when most everyone could teleport or had a method of being teleported? Rather than ask, I shook my head and went over to pick a new rod and reel with a snow leopard and Icy following in my wake.
Somehow,I ended up with three rods. I’d fallen in love with the first one, which was the same red as my new vehicles waiting for me at home. The other two had become the subject of a snarling match between the Devil and his wife, and to keep the End of Days from coming early, I added both to my pile, stating if they couldn’t be adults about the rods, I’d just take them all and we’d resolve the problem through competitive fishing.
The challenge broke both of them, and Darlene picked a new rod for herself, pawing at it until I pulled it from the rack for her and crouched to show it to her.
Its leopard print design likely had something to do with her desire to have it. As she couldn’t test the reels herself, I picked a good one for her along with bright colored line in several different tests. Well aware of how much junk the Devil purchased, I grabbed three large tackle boxes, a collection of stringers, several weights and measures, and six nice knives, expectingsomeoneto lose at least four of them by the time we finished our trip. Once armed, I ferried my purchases to the cashier and added it to Lucifer’s pile.
The Devil stared off in the direction of the bait with narrowed eyes.
“We have enough,” I informed him. “Pay for everything so we can get out of here.”
To make it clear she wanted her husband to listen to me, Darlene hissed and swiped her paw at his leg. He dodged, but he retrieved his wallet and began the tedious process of paying for everything. As the last thing I needed was sticker shock, I decided to take Icy outside, giving Darlene the choice of staying with Lucifer or coming with me.
She opted to keep me and my moose company.
Once on the sidewalk, she transformed into a succubus dressed in a pair of jeans and a form fitting black blouse with feathery wings, her fur covered with the snow leopard’s iconic spots. “Given a chance, he would buy the entire store. Literally. He is playing you, by the way. He enjoys things like camping and fishing, but he doesn’t indulge without a good reason. You would think for someone who moans and laments about having to be the prime evil he would work a little harder at actually being evil.”
“I noticed that. Frankly, geese and swans are a lot scarier than he is.”
“He can be plenty scary when he wants to be. He doesn’t want to be, not usually. His perfect day involves picking on his little cupcake and her husband, hovering over his favored minions, and taking care of his conservatory. The last time I called her our little cupcake, he sulked for a week.” Darlene chuckled, stretched out her wings, and yawned. “He’s going to take everything home, go on a rampage, fill the tackle boxes, and come back, probably dressed in as Australian a fashion as possible, thus drawing unwanted attention. Otherwise, he might show up in full tourist mode. He has no dignity.”
“I had guessed that part,” I admitted. “It’s nice knowing he’s lacking in dignity. That means he might not notice if I lack in dignity.”
“You seem very dignified to me. I’m surrounded by those with severe dignity deficiencies. You are regal in comparison.” Darlene smiled and approached Icy, allowing my moose to sniff her fingers before she went to work petting the animal. “How are you liking Icy?”
“Should anyone try to take her from me, I am summoning the Geese of the Apocalypse on them, even if I have to abuse your husband to get a second sphere. There will be a sphere for each person involved with the attempted moosenapping.”
The succubus laughed. “Good. That’s how it should be. Do you like iced coffee?”
“In this heat? You had me at iced. Icy is great, and I appreciate her, but something cool to drink sounds like a good idea. I bet she’d like something, too.”
The moose bobbed her head.
Darlene checked her phone and pointed down the street. “There is a place that seems to sell coffee beverages that way. If we hurry, we will be there and not here when Lucifer finishes ferrying things home and sorting through our goods. Then he might even panic for half a second before he remembers I’m fully capable of walking down the street without supervision.”
