Page 41 of Plaidypus
“Your forgiveness in approximately a year,” Yahweh admitted. “I conspire for your benefit, this I do swear, but you will be upset with me for a time. I would like the time to be reduced to no more than ten minutes, after which you give me a hug. I have been a while without one of my beloved son’s hugs. I am willing to wait for a hug for when you forgive me, no more than ten minutes after you realize what I have done.”
“You are a pain in the ass,” Lucifer muttered, and he retrieved a phone from his pocket, dialed a number, and held it to his ear. “My darling, my father is asking me for forgiveness for something that has not happened, andHewants to make me giveHima hug. I require the advice of a more sensible being than myself. I almost told my father to go to hell.Hewould.”
To keep from laughing, I chewed on more steak, while my animals listened in with interest.
Heaving a sigh, the Devil said, “You are a most cruel and ruthless wife, but I will do as you ask.” Hanging up, he returned his phone to his pocket.
Yahweh chuckled. “She wants you to tell me to go to hell so I visit her, and she wants you to do what I wish, as she is now curious what I am doing that would require asking for your forgiveness in advance.”
“Of course.”
“I will go visit with your darling while you sort the rest of this out. Do make sure your new minion eats before you indulge in an act of kidnapping. Do notify the CDC you are illegally transporting her into Australia so she is not overly inconvenienced. She suffers through enough inconveniences as it is.”
The sense of Yahweh’s presence vanished.
“Hetouched my shoulder,” I observed, pausing from my dinner to regard my shoulder with a raised brow. “I can understand why Yahweh would think someone of the faith might have an issue. Were I of the faith, I probably would have fainted away at that. The whole Hand of God thing and all. While I’m not faithful, I’m not completely ignorant.”
“Ah, you must be resilient to the divine, orHewould not have done anything other than speak. Mortals without the proper gene marker are killed if they beholdHisvisage.” Lucifer rose from his seat, strode to me, and touched my shoulder. He grinned. “Yes, your marker is on. No wonder my father was inclined to believe you would be a good minion for me. I won’t be worried about hurting you should my shroud slip. You must be part ofHisplan for shapeshifters and lycanthropes, whatever that plan might be. I don’t know. You’re the first hybrid to show up without divine intervention, which means people will eventually be born naturally capable of becoming a hybrid of shapeshifters and lycanthropes. Divines can create the potential through meddling, but it has to happen through fluke or some magic in nature before it becomes commonplace. In your case, a hotspot. The issue of your brother’s soul is a result of my meddling, as much as it is my father’s meddling. We have been waiting a long time for your brother. It means the Chicago vampires have finally found redemption, although they don’t realize it yet. They will find the process to create new vampires will be different from what they know, but they will muddle through. Eventually, the old ways will die out completely, and only the redeemed vampires will thrive.”
“I don’t understand.”
“You’re smart. Good. Before your brother, vampires lacked their souls. Things like love, affection, and all human positive potential were essentially dead within them. They could be taught love and affection, but it’s a difficult process. Few try. The Chicago vampires have been cultivated over many long years to be as loving and affectionate as vampires can be. Your brother’s existence means that ends. All they have lost will be regained. I will need to keep a close watch on them. When their souls are restored, they’ll be vulnerable for a while. I, along with my devils and demons, will safeguard them while they adapt to the restoration of their souls.”
I blinked. “Are you telling me because I hit Icy and killed my brother, these vampires get theirsoulsback?”
“Yes, that is exactly what I’m telling you.” Lucifer picked up one of the plates, stole my steak, and set it in front of me. “Sip the soup. It will help calm you and give your virus a chance to digest what you’ve already eaten. I’ll keep everything a good temperature for you. It’s the least I can do for making a mess of your road trip.”
I obeyed, and the soup, a thick and creamy clam chowder, did a good job of soothing my nerves. For once, my platypus didn’t complain about the presence of seafood, much to my relief. “Should I be concerned?”
“Only if you don’t want to put an end to a group of asshole lycanthropes who think they have the right to dictate who you mate with. Due to the bargain they made with my devil, I am required to teleport you to Australia. They, fools they are, didn’t specify when or where beyond wanting you before the full moon. They are idiots. Platypuses do not care about the state of the moon. My current plan is to leave you somewhere far from where they are, where you can enjoy being a tourist until my cindercorns, this potential mate my father has in mind for you, and the vampires show up. And, of course, for whateverHefeels must happen happens. It’s quite vexing, really. I suspect the vampires will travel to Australia, and in their effort to rescue the distressed maiden, will become distressed bloodsuckers. Then I’ll have to retrieve them, nestle them somewhere safe, and make sure they have time to adapt to all those pesky emotions they have not experienced since they rose from their graves.”
I winced. “Are you saying these vampires were emotionally dead until now?”
“Not fully, but they missed some key emotions that make humans human. I suspect my father wants you to be preserved, for without you, your brother would not have risen with his soul, and the opportunity for their redemption would be lost.Hedislikes when someone pivotal to a great good in the world does not receive their just reward—and you sacrificed for your brother’s sake.Heunderstands sacrifice, andHeespecially respects such sacrifice when it is not driven by religious fervor. You did as you did solely because you wanted to.”
“Matthieu is my brother.”
“Many like to say they would do anything for their family, but in reality, they lie.” Lucifer’s phone rang, and he retrieved the device, checked the screen, and chuckled. “My wife, likely being ambushed by my father, who enjoys whenHecan safely removeHisshroud and spend time with the family. I will pay for not answering this call later, but I will leave her to her fate. My father’s very good at getting her to hugHim, andHeadores attention.”
“Maybe you should answer her call, then?”
“Not until my father gets some attention. It’s better for everyone ifHegets attention. That, plus ifHe’spaying attention to my wife,He’snot paying attention to me. IfHe’snot paying attention to me, I won’t suffer through any urges to yank onHischain.”
“Okay.” I sipped at my soup, wondering how I’d be able to eat everything on the table. As promised, my soup never cooled below my preferred temperature, a form of magic I would appreciate through the rest of the meal. I’d even thank him after I ate. In the meantime, I’d focus on what was important: the reason for his visit. “Someone really made a bargain with a devil overme?”
“Unfortunately, and the circumstances were unfavorable enough for you the devil in question came to me after striking the bargain. I have some strict rules over bargains in my many hells, and any time a devil makes a bargain involving one of the unforgivable sins, they’re to report to a superior. In this case, me. Those interested in you invoked a rather strong devil. They picked the absolute wrong devil, too.”
“Dare I ask?”
“Belial.”
“Isn’t he a greater devil responsible for ruin or some sort of destruction?” I asked, hoping my limited knowledge of the various entities of heaven and hell proved to be correct.
“Ruin,” Lucifer confirmed. “Mostly, he ruins those who scheme against me, but he despises rapists almost as much as my wife does. When my wife isn’t available and I’m busy, he handles the rapists for rehabilitation. The souls he works with tend to be quite angelic in their next life for some reason. I only handle those cases now when the ladies are particularly horrified over what the soul has done. Those jobs go to me, and I’ll typically involve Belial as well. If it is so bad that the ladies can’t cope with it, then I pull out all the stops. And make no mistake, those souls deserve their visit to my many hells.”
Aware he expended magic to keep my supper warm, I continued to eat while I thought, marveling at how he revealed the truth and challenged my misconceptions without ramming them in my face. Once I accepted I understood nothing about the Devil, I asked, “But why me?”
“They’re a mix of platypus lycanthropes and shapeshifters, and they’re all male. You’re the sole natural-born platypus female. The rest of them were infected with the platypus lycanthropy strain. As such, they are determined to have you, and they don’t care what you have to say about that. Belial used some of his magic to confirm the situation, and he called one of my brothers on his way to meet with me. He does not bring unjustified ruin. He’s truly one of my best devils.”
