Page 80 of Studs Up
Colorado indeed blew it. I, however, got blown, then fucked, then cuddled, and then blown again.
I didn’t think I could move after all that. Nolan lay beside me, his body slick with sweat and a smug grin on his face. My ass was ready to ride again, but not a single muscle had any energy left. So I was forced to lay there and helplessly look at him.
He was breathing hard and smiling. He was so proud of himself. He should be, he was fucking amazing.
He drove all the way down to Portland because I asked him on a whim, and I would force him to stay inside my home and draw the curtains so no one knew I had a man in my bed.
It was an awful thing to do to a person. Guilt wrapped up in a hearty dose of shame made me turn away. I never should have asked him to come down. I never should have invited him into my home. This was only going to lead to so much pain.
A warm, strong arm wrapped around me, and Nolan pulled me back to his chest. I didn’t want to go, but he was touching me, and his hot breath was grazing the back of my neck, and I was forced to endure a wave of warm pleasure rippling across my skin.
“What’s wrong?”
One kiss. That was all it took to erode my resolve. His lips under my ear. It was such a simple thing, and it ruined everything.
“I can’t take you anywhere this weekend,” I said.
“Okay,” he said it like it was no big deal. But it was.
“I want to,” I said.
“But we can’t,” he said, another kiss, another erosion. “I know that. It’s fine, Holden.”
“But I like what we are doing.”
“So do I,” he murmured, more sweet lips working down my neck. “What’s this about?”
“I don’t want to stop this.”
“Neither do I.” His hand spread across my chest and forced me to roll to my back. The move was meant to be comforting, but I knew the second he realized how hard my heart was pounding.
“What’s wrong?” His voice dropped into a soft whisper. The sincerity and concern churned in his fathomless blue eyes drew the confession from me.
“People don’t like the secrecy that comes with being with me.” His hand slid down my waist, and he pulled me closer. It was the truth, just not all of it. What would he think if he ever found out? He never would. Those threats were for me, and it wasn’t fair to bring him into it.
The mere thought of never having him in my bed again was gut wrenching. I had what I’d always wanted and lived each day knowing it wouldn’t last.
“That’s not going to happen,” he murmured. “Not with me.” I wanted to believe him so badly.
“Nolan.” I needed to express how hard this was going to be. It wasn’t just secrecy. It was absolute secrecy.
“I don’t fucking care. I don’t want to stop this.” He turned me into his chest and kissed me until I was panting, and my cock came back to life. His hand slid down my stomach and gently wrapped his fingers around my shaft. He stroked and kissed me until I was hard and straining.
When I was completely gone and couldn’t remember what conversation we were having, he moved between my thighs, pulled one leg up over his shoulder, and spread the other wide. I was exposed, vulnerable, and at his mercy. He handled it with such care as he slid back into me and rocked us both to orgasm.
…
The eyes followed me. Everywhere I went, I was searching this time. Looking for something else. Pushing past the glares and judgments as I kept looking. I didn’t know what I was looking for or where it was; I just knew it was there, filling me with white hot panic, because I couldn’t find it. Where was it? What was it? My body seemed to know. I forced the eyes back and shut the whipseres out but it was nowhere. I had to get through the eyes, all of the fucking eyes pressing in on me from all sides. They were on my skin and starting to whisper.
I woke gasping for air, sitting straight up, then launching myself out of bed. It wasn’t the first time I had woken and sent straight into a panic attack. It was the first time warm arms and a gentle voice comforted me.
“Easy,” he murmured in my ear,
Beautiful blue eyes, locking on to mine. Tender and soft.
“Breathe,” he whispered. I sucked in a gulp of air, and my lungs expanded, filling with cold oxygen.
Nolan held me, his hand rubbing my back as he murmured gently to me.
