Page 137 of When She Loves
I grin. And I thought Loretta had extreme ideas when it came to her business.
It’s interesting learning about my sisters’ lives on this side of the world. Can I imagine staying here forever? Doing whatever I feel like doing? I guess I don’t have to imagine it. I don’t have to wish for freedom. I have it. Almost.
It’s just one signature away.
But there’s no breathless joy accompanying the realization.
My expression must reflect my darkening thoughts, because the table quiets. Slowly, all eyes turn to me.
“Cleo, do you want to talk about it?” Mari asks gently.
I bite down on my lip. I haven’t really talked about Rafaele since I arrived in Italy, even though I haven’t stopped thinking about him. Maybe it’s time. Maybe letting it out will help.
Plus, the alcohol has loosened my tongue.
“I guess…” I blow out a breath. “I’m still processing how fast it all happened. It’s not that things between us were perfect, but I was optimistic about our relationship. I was ready to tell him I loved him, even if he wasn’t quite there himself. I was going to take a leap of faith.”
Gemma nods. “We all saw how he looked at you on your birthday. Even his poker face couldn’t hide the fact that he adored you.”
I twist the stem of my glass between my fingers. “And the next day, I made a mistake. One fucking mistake. And it was enough to ruin everything? How is that fair?”
“It’s not fair,” Gemma says. “And Rafaele had no right to blame the situation on you.”
“I mean, it was a fucking mess, but you’re right. Why did he blame itallon me? It’s not like I climbed into Papà’s car knowing how everything would spiral.”
I leave the glass alone and lean back in my chair. “When we got married, I wanted nothing to do with him. I tried to get him to send me away by doing all sorts of bullshit, but he wasn’t fazed by any of it. I kept expecting him to lose it the way Papà and Mamma always did when I acted out—which, let’s be honest, was most of the time—but he took it in stride. He listened to me, and he built me up. He made me fall for him.” I give my head a shake. “And I was reckless, but that was because I thought Gem was in trouble.” I glance at my sister. “I love you, Gem. I’d do anything for you.”
Gemma’s lips waver. “I know.”
Rafaele made me feel like such an idiot for falling for my father’s trick, but what right did he have to do that? Couldn’t he understand why I did what I did? Apparently not.
“I don’t know what you guys think you saw at my birthday party, but Rafaele didn’t love me. He’s never loved anyone. He doesn’t get it.” A deep sadness pierces through my drunken haze. He may have feltsomethingfor me, but whatever it was, it wasn’t love.
“Cleo, I’m not sure that’s fair,” Gemma says quietly. “He put everything on the line for you when he thought you were in danger.”
“Yeah, and he obviously decided he never wants to do that again. I’m not worth it.”
Not worth losing his consigliere. Not worth putting his kingdom at risk. Maybe no one is worth all that, but I can’t help the anger that licks up my veins.
“Well, it’s his loss,” Vale says after a while.
Mari nods. “Exactly.”
I glower at my wine. “Fuck him.”
“Yeah, fuck him.” Gemma lifts her glass of water. “Cheers to that and to moving on.”
We clink our glasses, drink, and open another bottle of wine.
By the time we decide to wrap it up, I’m so drunk, I can’t even see straight. But when I fall asleep that night, I still dream of him.
CHAPTER42
RAFAELE
Despite losing my consigliere,I somehow manage to bring the situation in New York under control in about a week.
Gino Ferraro comes to see the burned safe house and collects the bodies as expected. A few days later, I get a call from him saying he’s confirmed the corpses belonged to Nero and Sandro and that now things are even. Well, they’ll be even once I send him the twenty million dollars he asked for, which I do that same afternoon.
