Page 12 of Trashed to Treasured
He turned toward the kitchen and looked back at me. “I usually eat right here on the couch.”
“Perfect. Just give me two minutes.”
I picked up the bag of food that had been left on the doorstep then took it to the kitchen to plate. Brody didn’t have any trays that I could see, so I just used cereal bowls for our salads and served the pasta and grilled chicken on standard dinner plates. The portions from this restaurant were large, so I put more on the plates than I expected either of us to eat. But I didn’t know when Brody’s last meal was, and I wanted him to have his fill without feeling self-conscious about asking for seconds.
I didn’t have much at lunchtime either, so I let my stomach do the measuring.
When I returned to the coffee table, Brody had already set out utensils and napkins. “I don’t have placemats yet, but I’ll get some for next time.”
“This works just fine.” I placed our food on the table and sat down beside him. Right beside him. Since Brody was right-handed and I was left-handed, we could eat in peace without bumping into each other the whole time. “Is there anything else you need?”
“No, thank you.” His eyes went soft again as he shook his head. “This is everything.”
I could read between the lines and knew how much he meant that—literally and figuratively. “For me too.”
We both dug in, spending the next few minutes in comfortable silence as we enjoyed the delicious meal.
“This is so good.” Brody spoke around a mouthful of mac and cheese before covering his mouth with his napkin. “Sorry. That was rude. And gross.”
I grinned. “You’re forgiven. But that brings up one of my questions about what kind of Daddy you’re looking for.”
“What do you mean?” He looked worried again, so I reached for his left hand and held it on my thigh.
“Well, this is new for me too, so we’ll have to figure it out together. But when you’ve imagined your ideal life, do you picture having a set of strict guidelines that you always have to follow. Or do you want more of an equal partnership most of the time and opportunities to tap into your little side sometimes? Or maybe something in between?”
He reached for a noodle on the edge of his plate and popped it into his mouth. “Maybe 40/60?”
Huh? I had no idea what that meant, but I didn’t want him to be self-conscious of his request, so I nodded as if it made perfect sense to me. “Okay, that sounds good. Can you be a little more specific? I don’t want any confusion.” Particularly on my part.
“Well, like forty percent of the first thing you said and sixty percent of the other.”
When I just stared, he finally realized I needed a little more than that.
“Like, forty percent of my life is rules that I’m supposed to follow…and sixty percent is us being…um, regular…and the little stuff comes out sometimes.”
Well, that helped. A bit. “Okay, I think I’m beginning to understand. But when you say regular, what do you mean by that?”
I’d clearly hit a nerve, because he released my hand and clasped his palms together between his knees. “Well, like a couple. But, I mean, you don’t have to be my boyfriend if you don’t want to. I know some Daddies are just there for the rules and enforcement. They aren’t all like Harris and Tony.”
“I am like Harris and Tony.” I placed my hand on his leg to settle his jittery shaking. He was clearly close with Jesse and Jason, Harris and Tony’s boys, and was using their relationships as examples of what he wanted. And that was great news to hear because I’d often imagined having what they had. “And that’s what I’m looking for too. But…” I held up my hand to temper his excited expression before he moved too quickly. “We still need to figure out how we work together. Since we’re both learning as we go, maybe we just hang out tonight, and I’ll ask you questions. But you also have to promise to tell me what you want or don’t want too.”
He held my gaze and nodded. “I promise. Well, I promise to try. I’m not sure I know exactly what I want yet.”
“Fair enough.” I leaned forward and kissed his temple, inhaling his clean scent. “So let’s finish eating so I can try one of those cookies too.”
9
BRODY
Hanging out with Aaron was amazing. Even though we didn’t do anything other than eat, watch movies, with some handholding and a chaste kiss after he tucked me into bed, it felt more intimate than any relationship I’d ever been in. We talked about everything, and he asked me lots of questions about my little side.
Since I didn’t have any real experience with it, it was all theoretical, but we had time to explore that.
During those weeks, we didn’t pull out the onesie and pacifier again. But that was by my choice. I realized I didn’t need them when everything was great. Cuddling, getting attention, and being taken care of was enough to make me happy and content.
But when I had a bad day, I had a really bad day.
It started off with a letter from my credit card company saying that I was two months overdue. Normally, I would have assumed it was an error because all my bills are on auto-pay. But when I looked closely at the charges, I realized they weren’t mine.
