Page 98 of Finding Us
“What?” he says, frowning.
“I grew up with an abusive father, and when he wasn’t hitting my mother, he was beating on me. This is no excuse, but it’s all I’ve ever known. I wasn’t big, or strong enough to fight back … or to protect my mum, so I used to lock myself in the wardrobe and punch holes in the wall. It was how I coped. I haven’t done that since I was a teenager, but I also haven’t been as fucked up as I was earlier today.”
“Why have you never mentioned this before?”
“Because it’s a part of my life that I don’t like to talk about. I’ve touched on it briefly with Jacinta though.”
“Wow,” he says, shaking his head. “I had no idea, I’m sorry.”
“You have nothing to be sorry about, it’s my piece of shit father that should be sorry, but knowing him like I do, I doubt he even cares.”
“Is this why you ended up on the streets?”
I turn my head and stare off down the hallway as images of my broken mother lying at the bottom of the staircase flashes through my mind. A lump forms in the back of my throat, so instead of answering, I just nod my head once.
“Shit, man.”
“How’s Jacinta?” I ask, turning my attention back to him.
“A mess. She sobbed in my arms for about an hour. I’ve never seen her so broken.”
“Fuck,” I groan, tilting my head back. “You know I’d never hurt her right? I may occasionally put my fist through a wall, but I’d never physically hurt someone, especially her.”
“Is that why you never hit me back when I found out about you two?”
“No, I let you have that one because in a way I deserved it.”
“Damn straight you did,” he says, chuckling.
“Besides, a fairy tap on the chin is nothing compared to the floggings I’ve received in the past.”
“It was more than a fairy tap,” he grumbles, and this time I laugh. I’ll admit my jaw ached for a few days afterwards.
There’s a brief silence, before I speak again. “I love her, Connor.”
“You do?” he asks, his eyes widening.
“With everything I have.”
“Does she know that?”
“No. I haven’t told her yet. I was worried it was too soon, and it may freak her out.” Now I’m concerned I’ll never get the chance to tell her how I feel.
“Fuck … I mean I could see she was different to all the others, but love? I didn’t see that one coming so soon.”
“When the heart knows, it just knows, I guess.”
He dips his head, shoving his hands into his pocket. “Ain’t that the truth.” And it makes me wonder if he’s thinking about the girl who broke his heart when he was younger.
“Do you think she’d let me talk to her? Let me explain?”
“Eventually maybe, but not tonight. She’s locked herself in her room.”
I blow out a frustrated breath. “Fair enough.”
“I’m actually here to collect her bag.”
“Right,” I say, opening the door and entering my apartment. Connor follows close behind me.
