Page 97 of Finding Us
When she holds up her hand, I see how much it is shaking and I hate that I’m the person responsible for that. She’s had a harrowing day, with the wounds on her face to prove it. “I need to go.” Her voice wobbles as she says that.
I’m such an arsehole.
“Please, let me explain.”
Ignoring my pleas, she opens the door and walks over the threshold. I move towards it just as she breaks into a run. Everything in me wants to go after her, but I can’t leave Blake here alone in the bathtub.
“Jacinta,” I call out as she frantically presses the button to summon the lift. She won’t even look at me.
Fuck.
What have I done?
Once she disappears inside the lift and the doors close, I pull out my phone. I need her to know the truth if nothing else.
Wolf: Babe, please believe me when I say you were not, nor will you ever be in danger around me. I’d never lay a hand on you. NEVER! I was simply releasing my frustration out on the wall … it’s what I’ve always done. It’s how I coped growing up with my abusive father. Are there better ways to do this? I’m sure there are plenty, but I’ve yet to find something that works for me like this does. This is in no way an excuse for my behaviour just now, but I just wanted you to know I’m not my father. I adore you, Red.
Instead of adore, I want to write I love you, but there is no way I’m saying that to her for the first time via a text. And under these circumstances it would seem more like a copout instead of the truth.
When I press send, I hear a ding coming from behind me. Turning around, I notice Jacinta’s handbag still sitting on the dining table. She was in such a hurry to get away from me she didn’t even take her things.
I blow out a long, frustrated breath as I slide my phone into my jacket pocket and head towards the bathroom.
Entering, I crouch down beside the bath. “You okay, buddy?”
“Where’s Jazzie?”
“She had to leave.”
He dips his face. “She didn’t say goodbye to me.”
“She told me to say goodbye to you,” I lie. “Are you alright after everything that happened today? I’m sorry I wasn’t there, but I’ll make sure Annalise doesn’t come anywhere near you again.”
He looks up, his eyes meeting mine. “Jazzie saved me, Dad. She came running after us and wrapped me in her arms like this,” he says, moving one of his arms to curl around his middle and the other around his head. “Annalise was pulling her hair and scratching her face trying to get me back, but Jazzie wouldn’t let me go.”
“I’m glad she was there for you.” I reach out, ruffling his hair. “You are safe now; you know that right?”
He nods. “I wish Jazzie was my mum.”
Out of the mouths of babes.
“So do I,” I whisper under my breath, but I’m pretty sure my actions just now ruined his chances of that ever happening.
After Blake is out of the bath, I get him dressed in his pyjamas and order us a pizza for dinner. I don’t eat any, my stomach is too tied up in knots. Since Red’s phone is still here, I can’t even contact her, and I’m not about to drag Blake down there, especially since she’ll more than likely slam the door in my face.
He’s been really quiet all evening, and doesn’t say much when I try to talk to him. All I can do is keep an eye on him and constantly reassure him that he’s safe here … I won’t let anything happen to him.
It’s just after eight when there’s a knock at the door. I lift Blake’s sleeping head off my lap, where he was lying wrapped in a blanket in front of the television. This is how he usually lies with Jacinta. I would’ve carried him to bed by now, but after everything that happened today, I just wanted to keep him close.
Standing, I run my flattened palms down the front of my sweats. I’m equally nervous and optimistic. Is it her?Fuck I hope so.
The moment I open the front door, I immediately deflate when I find Connor standing there. “I want to punch you in the face again,” is the first thing he says, “but Jaz made me promise not to.”
That immediately gets my back up, I’m in no mood for his attitude right now. “Hello to you too.”
“What the fuck, man. You know what her life used to be like. Why would you do that in front of her?”
I step out into the hallway, closing the door behind me, so Blake doesn’t wake. “Because unfortunately my childhood was just the same as hers.”
