Page 13 of Trade It All (The Barrington Billionaires 3)
Lance paced his office while waiting for Willa to arrive. He’d directed his secretary to buzz him the moment she arrived. Unable to concentrate on anything else, he’d called down to the building’s security desk and told them to call him when Willa arrived.
He was on edge and had lain awake most of the night, planning exactly how he’d approach the subject of the past. His goal wasn’t to prove who had been right and who’d been wrong. If he played their meeting right he would finally have answers to questions that had plagued him for a decade.
Then, hopefully, they could move past it.
An image of her gasping with pleasure as he pounded into her filled his mind, overwhelmed his senses for a moment. He wanted her so badly he could practically taste her.
This isn’t just about fucking her.
Although that’s part of it.
His hands clenched at his sides. He liked to think he was a better man than he’d been at twenty. His brothers had warned him that being with Kenzi’s friends would end badly, but back then how Willa made him feel was more important than who she was. He’d had ten years to regret letting his dick override his decision to respect her relationship with his family.
I could have done everything better. I could have waited, gotten to know her. Who the hell knows where it might have gone? She shouldn’t have been a one-night stand.
Not Willa.
Over the years he’d witnessed her unwavering loyalty to his sister and his family. Her gentle heart made it impossible for anyone to not want the best for her. She had a gift of making everyone, even his often miserable family, feel better. Like him, she smoothed situations over rather than added drama. She was genuinely a good person. Someone who liked kids, animals, old people. Hell, he’d never seen her express a dislike of anyone.
Besides me.
I was a class A prick.
Lance rubbed one hand roughly across his forehead and let the memories in.
He was back in the guest cottage with her lying naked in his arms on the bed. Her head was on his shoulder and she was smiling, but he was losing his mind. He didn’t know if he should stay, leave, apologize, or just grab his pants and run. Not only had he just fucked his little sister’s best friend, but the condom had broken. That had never happened to him before. Of course, he hadn’t planned to have sex during a family vacation, so he’d used the emergency condom he’d tucked into his wallet years earlier. He wasn’t the type to impulsively jump into bed with women. He was a careful and considerate partner. It was something his college friends sometimes teased him about, but he knew that actions had consequences and sometimes they lasted a lifetime.
He wanted to blame the beers he’d had with Andrew after Willa had gone up to the house with Kenzi and Lexi. He knew, though, that the slight buzz he’d had when Willa returned alone had been gone before they’d sought privacy in the guest house.
The sex itself had been good. So fucking good he wanted her again. Had it been good for her? He hoped so. Despite how he’d felt, he’d tried to go slowly, be gentle. In the end, she’d wrapped herself around him and the sex had taken a wild, uncontrolled life of its own. They’d collapsed, sweaty and spent, onto the bed and only then had he realized the fragile nature of old latex.
Fuck.
He’d cleaned himself off and had been gathering his thoughts when she’d snuggled up against him. He knew he had to tell her, but she looked so happy, so damn innocent guilt twisted his gut. He turned onto his side so he was face to face with her. “Willa, what we just did was—”
“Amazing,” she finished his sentence and caressed a side of his face with her hand. “I’m glad I waited. So glad my first time was with you.”
There was a special place in hell waiting for him. Lance was sure. He cleared his throat and took her hand in his. “There’s something you need to know.”
Her face crumpled. “Are you seeing someone?”
“No. No. Nothing like that.”
The smile returned to her face. “Sorry.” She pulled her hand free from his and wiped at her eyes. “I’m being an idiot.”
“You’re not. Not at all.”
“You’re just saying that to make me feel better. You’re like that—always making sure everyone is okay. Kenzi is lucky to have a brother like you.”
There it was again, that trust in him he didn’t deserve. He remembered something his father had told him when he’d explained the facts of life to him. He hadn’t focused on the mechanics of it so much as the etiquette and responsibility of choosing to be sexually active. “If you’re not comfortable enough with someone to discuss contraception, you don’t know them well enough to sleep with.”
Sound advice, Dad. But you left out the possibility of the male brain completely shutting down long enough to make a mistake like this.
“Willa, I’m not good at talking about things like this, but—”
A huge smile spread across her face. “I love you, too.”
Lance sat straight up. “What?”
She sat up next to him. “I think I’ve loved you since the first time I met you. I knew I was too young, but I’m not any more. We can be together now.”
Oh, shit. It wasn’t that Lance didn’t like Willa. He did. But she was giving what they’d done an importance he hadn’t considered. In her eyes he saw a terrifying truth—she thought what they’d done meant they were in a relationship.
Not a dating relationship. Not one with a trial period. No, she was all in. One hundred percent. Whatever he felt for her was overshadowed by panic.
I’m not ready to love anyone. Not like that.
And the broken condom? What if something comes from this?
I can’t ask her to terminate a pregnancy if one happens. I don’t believe in abortions.
Do I?
If I don’t, and she gets pregnant, I’m fucked.
Trapped.
He stood up and grabbed his clothing from the floor. Once he had his pants on again and was buttoning up his shirt, he began to calm. By then, though, she’d had time to realize he hadn’t responded to her declaration. She was clutching a sheet to the front of her and her eyes were brimming with tears.
Lance finished buttoning his shirt and sat on the edge of the bed. Instead of reaching for her, he faced away from her with his hands hanging between his knees and his shoulders slumped. “The condom broke, Willa. There’s something called a morning-after pill. I’m thinking you should take one. Unless you’re on birth control already . . .”
Her hand touched his shoulder. “I’m not, but is that why you’re upset? It’s okay.”
“No, it’s not,” he snapped and cursed under his breath.
Willa was quiet for several moments, then he heard her move to leave the bed. “I should go.”
He turned and watched her hastily gather her clothing. She was crying. He stood, walk
ed over to her and reached out a hand to her. She moved away from him, refusing to look at him. He hated that he’d hurt her. He felt like he’d failed her.
He wanted to tell her she’d misunderstood. He wanted to tell her that he loved her, too, and that it had been that way since he’d first met her. But that would have been a lie.
He liked her.
His body craved hers.
But love?
He didn’t know anything about love. He was still trying to figure himself and his career path out. He couldn’t add anyone else to that equation. Not yet.
The best he could do was be honest with her. “I’m sorry, Willa.”
She angrily adjusted her clothing and met his eyes. Her tone was angry and tears were pouring down her cheeks. “Don’t be. Now I can go to college unencumbered by my virginity. Really, you did me a favor.”
He hated the idea of her with anyone else as much as he hated seeing her upset. He pulled her into his arms. “I’m an ass.”
She struggled at first then stood there as he held her against him. He felt the tension rippling through her.
He rested his chin on her forehead. “I don’t like the idea of you with anyone else.”
She sniffed but refused to look up at him. “Is that supposed to make me feel better?”
“It’s the truth. I’m freaking out on the inside, Willa. Maybe that makes me an awful person. I don’t know. I didn’t plan any of this. You deserve better.”
She let out a shaky breath. “Do I?”
Lance cursed his body for sending his blood rushing back to his dick. He didn’t want to want her right then. He wanted to find the words to make her feel better. Coherent thought was difficult, however, when his cock was jerking in his pants, begging to be freed. The feel of her against him, the scent of her, the lingering taste of her on his lips was almost too much for him to resist. He kissed her temple and murmured, “Can we start over? Spend the day together tomorrow?”
Her eyes rose to his. “Like a date?”
She looked hopeful, and he resented the way it made him feel. Guilt was a tool people used as leverage to control each other. He wasn’t looking for another situation where another person’s vulnerability essentially trapped him.
