Page 11 of Playing to Win
“You do not.”
“I do. If you hate him, I hate him.”
I don’t hate Ace Townsend. Though I am still pissed over what happened on New Year’s Eve. I thought we had a connection. We definitely had chemistry. That almost kiss in the bathroom still ranks as one of the hottest moments I’ve ever experienced, but then he had to go off and ruin everything.
Kissing another girl on New Year’s Eve isn’t necessarily a crime, but I don’t want to deal with a guy like that. He can’t commit. Not even to a kiss at midnight. And that sucks.
At the time, my thoughts were all about someone temporary. The good-time guy who knows how to have fun. But he couldn’t even manage that and over the last eight months, I’ve had some…thoughts.
No more settling for the guy who obviously doesn’t want to commit. I deserve a man who’s totally into me. It should be painfully obvious.
Which means Ace definitely isn’t the guy for me.
After the NYE Incident as I call it, I also swore off men. There was no point in trying to get with any at my other college. I was leaving anyway so I threw myself into my school work and ended up getting all A’s last semester. I impressed my parents and myself.
See what happens when you forget about guys and don’t party as much? You actually get things accomplished.
But now I’m here at CU and Natalie is a gigantic flirt, who is always on the prowl for hot guys and while that makes her sound awful, she’s not. She just knows how to have fun, like I used to. She also knows when to get serious. And this is where we differ.
I’m the type who goes all in. I either wanted to party all the time like I did my first year in college, or like last semester, when I threw myself completely into my studies and focused on nothing else. I need to learn how to balance myself out a little more, where I can have fun, but I can also be serious. It’s like I don’t know how to be one with the other.
“I have to get over myself,” I finally say with a sigh. “And get over what he did.”
“You’re allowed to hold a grudge,” Natalie says, giving me the permission I didn’t know I still sought. “He was a jerk to you.”
“Not really. He didn’t even know me.” I didn’t know him either.
“He knows your brother. He knows Blair. He led you on.” Natalie’s voice is firm, telling me I can’t convince her otherwise.
“I can do this, right?” My voice drops and I glance around before I continue. “If I get this job, I can ignore him and go about my business? And still work for the football team? I’ll be able to keep things professional…right?”
The doubt that lives within me lately is nearly crippling, and I hate it. Why am I second-guessing my every decision? Maybe because the first university I went to, I didn’t like. I think that happens a lot more often than we think. And it’s okay to make a mistake and change my mind. That’s what my mom said.
Plans change and that’s okay. Yet here I am questioning every move and choice I make, scared shitless to actually do anything.
Like, who am I right now?
I stuck it out for two years at that stupid college I hated and now I’m back in my home state, wondering if I’m doing the right thing, even though deep down, I know I am.
I know it.
“Of course, you can. You’re Ruby Fucking Maguire. You can do anything you set your sights on,” Natalie says, as if she’s reading my mind and knows how full of doubt I am.
I smile, thankful for her encouragement. “Should I go to this interview wearing an Eagles T-shirt?”
“Ew, no. You need to play it cool. Can you come home right now?”
“I have an hour break.” Meaning going home will be cutting it close to make it back to class on time.
“Then get your ass here and I’ll help you pick out an outfit. I’ll start going through my closet right now.” She climbs out of bed.
“I’m sure I have something.”
“Oh, I’ll be going through your closet too. I just want to check and see what I have first. A cute dress always works.”
“Okay. But nothing too cute, you know?”
“Always professional,” Natalie says with a firm nod. “You’ve got this in the bag.”
