Page 30 of The Burning
I nodded. “There’s nothing for me here. I gotta get the fuck out of here. And fast. As soon as I sign that discharge paperwork, I’m out. Counting down the days.” I finished off my beer.
“If I get sent somewhere cool, you can come with me. I’m hoping for Hawaii.”
Fischer laughed when he said it, but I wondered if there was a real want behind his words. Soon he would be with a bunch of strangers who would become like brothers to him faster than he could imagine. We hadn’t served together, and I felt a bond with him like a brother, but I knew it was kind of pointless since he was leaving soon, and I needed to keep my distance from his sister. I’d still worry about him getting himself in trouble and check on him every so often, but soon I wouldn’t feel as responsible for him as I did now. He would be someone else’s problem.
I half nodded. “We’ll see. I’m only going if it’s somewhere with sun, cheap property, and less fucking rain. Hawaii has none of those.”
“Man, if I get stationed at Knox or Hood, I’m gonna bepissed.”
I didn’t blame him, and I sure as hell wasn’t going to visit him in Kentucky or Texas.
“I’ll be pissed for you. You might end up staying here after all.” For his sister’s sake, I hoped for that.
Fischer let out a laugh, clinking his beer to my empty one. “My sister would looove that.”
Even though I was already thinking about her, at the mention of his sister, I opened the fridge and grabbed another beer.
“Sorry. I keep trying not to talk about her.” Fischer reached for another, too.
“How is she?” It wasn’t the most comfortable exchange in my life, but he was the closest source to Karina I had, and my curiosity got the better of me.
He looked at me silently for a second with the face of a preppy white boy who would always get off the hook for any trouble he caused, the kind of guy I usually couldn’t stand. But I liked him more than I did most people; he had a good heart and an ease about him.
“I just saw her yesterday, for the first time since she found out. She’s fine, I guess. Mad as hell and hates both of us right now.” He shrugged, taking a bite of steaming, freshly microwaved food. “But that was to be expected. She’ll be happy for me eventually. I hope. There’s not much she can do now.”
Fischer licked his lips and drank his beer. I couldn’t bring myself to take a bite of my pizza, even though my body was fucking starving.
“She holds grudges for a while, doesn’t she?” I asked, already knowing the answer but wanting him to drill it in.
He nodded. “Oh fuck yeah, she does. She remembers everything too, so even if you think you’re off the hook, she’ll bring some shit up years later like,you kicked me once when we were twelve.” He was laughing, but I couldn’t find the humor.
She would always hate me for lying to her. I guess I knew that, but didn’t really let it sink in. She would always think of me as a liar now. I’d done it more than once and she would never let it go. Even before I lied, she barely trusted me, so there was no way I was ever going to get back into her good graces. Fuck it. I had come to terms with this, anyway—it was only because her twin was in my kitchen that I was thinking about her.
“Martin . . .” His voice was low, warning me. “I say this out of nothing but love for you, bro, but my sister isn’t going to forgive you. I don’t know how serious you guys were and I don’t want to.”
He sounded older than he was. The kitchen light flickered as an omen as he continued, his hands moving as I digested what he was saying. The honesty of it caught me off guard.
“Our parents really fucked her up. Me, too, obviously.” He smiled. “But we took things so differently, and she just . . . well, she shuts down and I don’t want to see you try and try only to fail in the end. I wish for her sake it were different, but I don’t know if she’s ever going to have a normal relationship with anyone. I worry about her, but don’t beat yourself up over it.”
Heat filled my chest. “That’s a little far, don’t you think? She’s only twenty and you’re out here fucking married women who are fucking married men. I wouldn’t give anyone advice if I were you.”
The way he looked at me after I said that made me want to grab him by his T-shirt and slam him into the wall. I didn’t, but my fingers shook as I clenched my drink.
“Whoa, whoa. Don’t talk shit about who I’m fucking—and I can speak ofmysister any way I want. You don’t even know her like that. Chill the fuck out.”
His cheeks were growing red as his voice got louder.
“And you do?” I growled at him. We were getting heated over someone who wasn’t here to chime in. Someone who would be cussing out both of our asses right now.
“Barely. That’s what I’m trying to tell you. You’ll never know her, either, and you’re going to make yourself crazy trying to make sense of her. I’m looking out for you, both of you, but go ahead and ignore my advice and see what happens. She’s been punishing our dad since the day our mom left. She doesn’t give in.”
I scoffed. It pissed me off that he thought he could talk to me like that, but he believed he knew Karina way better than I did, even though a part of me thought the opposite and that maybe he was the one who didn’t know her.
“As if your dad doesn’t deserve punishing.”
He looked me over.
“What do you know that I don’t?” he asked me.
