Page 20 of The Burning
I felt Austin’s eyes on me, but I kept mine on the upcoming gate to exit the post.
“It can be fucking hard. This life. We grew up in it, so we know more than most,” he continued. “But I’m only obligated to three years, and I’ll get college money and have a place to live. I can get a car. So, stop worrying about me. Look, I’m sorry about the way I did it and if I could do it over, I would tell you the right way, but it doesn’t change the fact that I’m still going.”
“I just wish you would have talked to me before. At least warned me so I knew what was coming and wasn’t the last one to find out.” I rubbed my temples.
“Yeah, but honestly, you probably wouldn’t have given me the chance to explain . . .” He trailed off, taking another hit of the vape pen.
I didn’t know how to argue with him and really didn’t want to right now. I was sad, pissed, still thinking about Mendoza and how Kael was wrapped into his life, and now that he was in my brother’s, I’d never get him out of mine.
“I get the way you feel about the Army, Karina. I felt it too, you know that. But I don’t have the money to go to school or any skills.”
“We both had trade scholarships,” I reminded him. “Iused mine.”
He rolled his eyes and leaned back against the seat. “Yeah. I know. You’re also smarter than me. I’m not book smart, and I’m the fuckup. I’m the one who got arrested once and—”
“Almost twice. You nearly got Kael arrestedandassaulted.”
“That wasn’t my fault!”
“It wasn’t your fault the way they profiled him, no. But itwasyour fault that we were there in the first place. To save your ass.”
Austin threw his hands up. “I’m sorry, okay! I wasn’t going to let a girl get threatened and harassed by her boyfriend and I didn’t know what else to do and some shitbags being racist isn’t something I can control unfortunately.”
I barely remembered the blurred faces of the young MPs that night, but as clear as day I remembered how they had drawn their black sticks into the air before a single question was asked. Kael’s voice echoed in my head:That’s what happens when you train young men to kill, and not to restrain.
Kael had tried to help get Austin out of the chaos, but was immediately targeted. It still made my blood boil that there was nothing we could do about it.
“I’ve said I was sorry for that and Martin knows I felt like shit about it. Look, Kare, I’m trying to do my best, okay? And yeah, I keep fucking up sometimes, but I’m doing a lot better than I was while living with our uncle.”
I sped up to get in the fast lane and tried to consider what my brother was saying and to see things from his point of view.
“You have to learn to let things go, Kare. For real. I know you’re pissed because I didn’t tell you and you found out in a shitty way, but we aren’t kids anymore and I can’t keep promises that I made before I even knew what life would be like on my own. And not to be a dick, but this isn’t your life.”
I took a breath before responding. He was right in a way for sure, but that didn’t help my anger and disappointment, and even worse, my fear—the deep fear that my brother might lose his life fighting someone else’s war.
“I get that. But this isn’t just getting a job at Kroger or something. And the fact that Kael helped you and didn’t tell me. I thought I could trust him . . . this is a big deal”—I paused—“to me, anyway.”
“You don’t trust anyone. And that’s what you’re really mad about—that he was involved, not that I’m enlisted.” My brother raised his brow, still smoking the USB-port-looking Juul.
He kept speaking while I contemplated his accusation. I couldn’t say he was fully wrong.
“Martin, he’s a good guy. I’ve told you before and I’ll tell you again and again. He takes care of us. All of us. Look how he is with Mendoza. He’s like that with everyone. He’s the only reason I even got in with a good recruiter, one of his connections. Don’t give him such a hard time. I know you’re looking for a reason to hate him, but you won’t find it through me.”
“I don’t think I need a reason,” I argued.
Austin sighed, shaking his head.
And there, the sting of betrayal was back. I gave Kael access to me by sharing my insides and my secrets and he knew damn well how I would react if my brother signed his freedom away. Even so, Kael helped him anyway. I guessed he cared more about Austin than me and digesting that burned like hell.
“Well, I’m glad you’ve made such a good friend,” I said sarcastically.
Part of me warmed over the way my brother felt about Kael. As he talked about him, I heard the security in his voice that I knew Austin needed. My brother was the kind of person who was at their best when around other people. We were different in that way; it was another thing he got from our mom.
“Kare. It’s not like you were going to actually date him, anyway. He’s getting out and moving and you always said you’d never date a soldier. I was shocked y’all were even hooking up.”
I was glad we were almost home, because my brother was pissing me off the more he spoke and I was trying really damn hard not to slap the shit out of him.
“First of all, we weren’t just hooking up and this isn’t only about that. I’m worried for you. I don’t give a fuck about him,” I snarled at Austin and reminded myself. My cheeks were on fire.
