Page 154 of Star Bringer
I don’t want it to be true, but there’s a part of me that’s known all along that it had to be me. I think back to Gage getting shot. Think back to Ian staying with me when he should have run back to the ship. To theStarlightracing straight at those battleships and nearly getting us all killed. If my mother is right and the people who are trying to kill us are after me and not Rain or any of the others, then I truly am putting them in danger.
As if sensing her advantage—the Empress is nothing if not a prudent observer of weakness in others—she goes in for the kill. “Think about what I’m telling you, Kali. But not for long, or it will be too late. Send your coordinates, and I will come and collect you. As soon as we can show that you’re safely back in the palace, there will be no point in going after them. They will be safe. It’s the only way.”
And then the screen goes blank.
She’s gone.
And all I can think about is my friends dying because of me. It’s one thing to know someone is trying to kill you and your friends; it’s another to know they’re trying to killyouand the people you care about are just collateral damage.
A shiver runs through me as my mind churns with nightmare scenarios. All of them ending with my friends dead. All of them ending with Ian dead.
Just the thought has tears burning the backs of my eyes. What if my mother’s not just trying to get what she wants? What if she’s actually telling the truth for once and my being here is doing nothing but hurting all these people I’ve come to care about?
Ian moves in next to me, rests a hand on my shoulder. Before I even know I’m going to do it, I swing around and wrap my arms around him, holding him as tightly as I can as the truth creeps through me.
I’m going to lose him before I ever really get the chance to have him.
I tell myself he’s never really been mine to lose—that this is just an exciting little interlude for both of us and that it ending was always inevitable. But it doesn’t feel like an interlude—not to my heart. And not to me.
“You don’t believe her, do you?” Ian asks.
I take a deep breath and hold it inside until the urge to cry dissipates. Because I do believe her. Not necessarily about the Rebellion—Beckett says they don’t have the kind of resources necessary to pull off the explosions on theCaelestis, and I’m willing to believe her—but about the rest.
It only makes sense.
All along, I knew I was the target. Why else would they wait until I was aboard theCaelestisto blow it up? It’s one thing to take down the premier space station in the system. It’s another thing altogether to take it down with the crown princess on board.
One is murder and destruction of property. The other is those things and full-blown treason. No one does that accidentally, especially not with all the extra safety protocols in place for my arrival. It had to be deliberate, which means it really was aimed at me all along.
“Hey, Kali.” Ian pulls back just enough to slide a finger under my chin and tilt my face up to his. “We’ve done okay so far, haven’t we?”
We have. But for how long? At what cost? And how much longer can we keep it up?
“I just—” I break off as Ian stiffens against me. I start to ask him what’s wrong, but before I can, across the bridge, Max screams and falls to his knees.
Chapter 63
Ian
A shrill scream pierces my skull.
At first, I think it’s coming from Rain or Beckett—it’s definitely female, and Kali’s right in front of me, perfectly fine—but then I realize it can’t be them. Because the sound is comingfrom inside my head.
The pain is unbearable, slicing along my every nerve ending and taking over my entire body until it feels like I’m being ripped apart. I’ve never felt anything like this before, never even imagined anything like this could exist, and I try to fight it as I struggle to understand what’s happening.
“Ian?” Kali’s eyes go wide, and she stands in a rush, her hands moving to my shoulders. “Ian, what’s wrong?”
I try to answer her, but I can’t. I can’t talk, I can’t think, I can’t do anything but endure. The agony is overwhelming, all-consuming, utterly devastating.
I fall to my knees, nearly taking Kali out with me, and through the red haze of agony I see Max on his knees a few feet behind me, his hands clamped on the sides of his head like he can somehow shut out the pain.
And I know what’s happening.
Milla.
I call out to her in my mind, yelling her name over and over again. Seconds later, Max joins me, his voice hoarse and pained as he, too, screams for her.
At first, there’s nothing—only the yawning blackness that’s been there for months every time we try to reach for her. But then I hear it, so faint that I can’t be sure my mind isn’t playing tricks on me.
