Page 129 of Star Bringer
When I close my eyes, I can still see Kali and Ian hiding behind that wall. We were so close, but I was sure we wouldn’t get there in time. Max was freaking out behind me, yelling at Beckett to go faster, and it was all so scary.
Sure, before now, being in a little bit of danger was fun, exciting. But not this time.
And then the two of them stood up and every bone in my body dissolved at the same instant.
Being on theStarlighthas been full of tragedy, like watching theCaelestisimplode and knowing how many lives were lost, or when the solar flare set Rangar on fire. And scary, like when the ships attacked us. But for me, a girl who has lived her whole life sheltered away for a cause that maybe never felt fully real to me, it’s still felt full of life. Both the good and the bad.
And there has been good—so much of it. Making friends with Kali, Ian, Gage, Max. Wearing color. Eating snow. And Beckett. Beckett most of all.
But today, when it looked like Ian and Kali were going to die, and we could do absolutely nothing about it, it all slammed into me like the frequent meteor showers on Serati. I realized just how much I’d come to care for all of them.
I’ve never had friends before, and now that I do…now, it matters so much more if we don’t get out of this alive. Reincarnation or not, I don’t want any of us to die. But how do I prevent that from happening when someone is definitely trying to kill us?
Maybe I should talk to Merrick. He’s always been so level, and I usually know what he’s thinking. But now, he’s not talking to me at all. Maybe it’s because he’s so disappointed in me, but I don’t think that’s it. Something else is going on too. I just wish I knew what it was.
Is there more to know about the Sisterhood medal Gage found? More to know about our security forces on Glacea?
I need to know. There’s no way I’m going to sleep with my thoughts whirling around like this.
I jump to my feet and head for the door. He’s not outside like he was the first few nights—like me, I think he’s come to believe that he can trust the others on this ship. Or at least trust them not to kill me.
On my way to the bridge, I pass the galley, and there he is, sitting at the table, a mug of what smells like coffee in front of him and a brooding expression on his handsome face. I still can’t get over how different he looks without his robes.
He glances up as I hover in the door. “You should be sleeping,” he comments before looking back at his coffee.
“I can’t. My mind is going round and round.” I slip into the room, sliding into the chair opposite him, and realize that the coffee odor must be coming from somewhere else, because his mug definitely smells like it’s filled with gerjgin.
“Can I have some?” I ask.
He pulls a bottle from beneath the table, and I grab a mug. He pours a few centimeters of amber liquid, and I take a sip. We sit in silence for a while.
“You seem different since theCaelestis,” I say.
He raises an eyebrow. “Iseem different? Haveyoulooked in a mirror recently?”
I reach across the table and touch his arm. “Please talk to me, Merrick,” I beseech. “Maybe I can help.”
He shrugs. “I don’t know.”
He looks so casual that I can feel my anger rising. It’s not an emotion I experience very often, but I recognize it now. He’s lying to me about something—I’m just not sure what. “I’m having a few doubts, Merrick. I need help.”
“Everyone has doubts occasionally, Rain.”
“Do you? Is that what’s going on? You’re doubting your faith?”
He sips his drink. The brooding expression is back, and it doesn’t seem like he’s going to answer. Then, he exhales. “I told you—everyone has doubts at some point.” He pauses like he’s weighing his next words. “Mine have just been going on longer than most.”
I blink a couple of times. Did he just admit that he doesn’t believe anymore? That he hasn’t for a while? And ifhedoesn’t, what amIsupposed to do?
A smile flashes briefly across his face and then is gone just as suddenly. “Don’t worry. We wouldn’t be human if we didn’t question.”
“I hope so,” I tell him. I hate to think about him hurting. And I hate even more to think of losing him.
And there’s that brief smile again. “You’re a good person, High Priestess. I always knew that.”
This is all going to take some processing. But he’s talking, and this might be my best chance to get to the bottom of what’s been bugging him. It sounds like his doubts have been in place a long time, but he’s changed since the trip to theCaelestis. So, what triggered that change?
“Why do you think they made me temporary ambassador?” I ask.
