Page 20 of Up in Smoke
Tears threatened once again. She actually had to press both hands to her eyes to keep them from flowing. This was bad. Leaving after two days should have been easy, but her organs felt like they might rupture if she walked away from him. “Stop trying to help me. Just stop. I can’tstandit.”
He moved in front of her, eyes raging like a storm. “You don’t want to end this. I see right through you, sweetheart. So guess what? I’m not letting you.” His gaze dropped to her lips as if he wanted to kiss her, but she stumbled back to avoid him. No way she could allow his kiss. It would slay her. She’d never make it to the hallway. Connor followed her, though. Slowly. “You want freedom? Fine. I can’t stop you from slipping out windows or walking out doors. If I have to go insane with worry in order to keep you, I’ll do it. I’ll do it for how I feel when you show up again. I’m not giving up. And you insult me by thinking I can’t take some frustration. Some pain.Bring it, Erin. I’m fucking ready.”
Time slowed, but her pulse sped up. She must have been secretly hoping he would resist, because relief swamped her. Not just relief. Pride. In him. A totally foreign emotion, since she made it a point never to take pride in anything or anyone, save her escape plans. “We can’t cure each other.”
“Watchus.”
Such confidence scared the shit out of her. She would let him down. She knew it. Being responsible for someone else’s happiness was horrifying when she didn’t even know how to be happy herself. “What if it takes a long time? Do you…will you need other women?”
His jaw flexed. “What would you do if I went to another woman?”
Red filtered her view of him. If she was standing in the kitchen instead of the living room, she would have flipped on all four stove burners full blast. Her throat tightened with the need to shout until she couldn’t hold it in. It ripped out of her like a gale wind. “I’d scratch her fucking eyes out.”
Connor didn’t flinch at her ear-piercing volume. He only nodded. “Good. Don’t ever ask me that again.” His eyes darkened. “It goes unsaid that if you go near another man, I’ll end his life.”
Desire rippled in her midsection. It turned her on, that violent possessiveness. It stirred her, called to her own nature. But this was a lot to take in all at once. She needed some distance before she could accept it. Accept him and what he was offering. Five minutes ago, she’d written this relationship off as a mistake, mostly on his end. Walking away was the right thing. This little experiment would fail. She was positive of that. And yet the thought of never touching him again, not having the right to be possessive of him…it made her want to crumble.
So she did what she did best. “I’ll see you later.”
She walked out the front door and escaped. For the moment.
Feeling light-headed, Erin rounded the corner at the end of the block. She’d felt Connor watching her from the apartment window, but now she was out of view. God, he must hate that. Must be climbing the walls with the need to follow her. But he wouldn’t. He’d meant what he said about giving her freedom. She was grateful for it, even if she half wished he’d come with her. She’d left him only a few minutes ago and already she missed his scent, his reassuring presence.
Yeah, she was fucked.
Also, she was so damn hungry her stomach felt like it might cave in on itself. They hadn’t eaten dinner last night after she’d opted for a game of Slip ’n Slide with the olive oil. Not that it hadn’t been seriously worth it. The feel of him in her mouth, the things he’d said…thegrowling.
Pancakes. Focus on getting some pancakes.
Up ahead she saw an intersection with fast-food restaurants on either side. Surely there would be a twenty-four-hour diner where she could chow down and clear her head. Thinking would be easier on a full stomach. One thing she’d learned to appreciate during her short stays in prison was food. She never left a bite on her plate or complained about temperature. Hell, once you’d eaten stale granola over flavorless yogurt containing undefinable lumps, you were happy with damn near anything.
Connor’s image drifted into her head. The way he’d looked with morning stubble, hair a mess on top of his head. Those loose sweatpants that hung low on his hips, but managed to hug his ass perfectly. His intensity when he backed her down in the living room.Bring it.A shiver coasted down her arms. Damn him. Didn’t he realize she wasn’t equipped to make a man like him happy?
Even as the insecurities mounted, one fact continued to make itself known. He wasn’t giving her up. There was such overwhelming comfort in that, it cocooned her like a warm blanket. If he could see her in the throes of a full-blown panic attack, accept her jealousy, her faults, and still want her, maybe he truly meant it. He wasn’t giving her an avenue of escape. But would this be the first time ever she didn’twantan escape?
“Pancakes,” she muttered, crossing the street toward a Denny’s. At the curb, she pulled up short. Sitting beside the window inside the restaurant was Polly, all by herself, looking exhausted. Erin sauntered through the entrance, ignoring the hostess to take a seat across from her teammate.
“Come here often?” The mug paused halfway to Polly’s mouth, but she didn’t react otherwise. Erin studied her, wondering what she was doing up this early. Probably not an epic mental meltdown and a near breakup, unlike acertainsomeone.
Polly set her coffee down on the table with aplunk. “Being that I just moved here from Los Angeles, no. But the food isn’t shit and they leave me alone, so I might make it a habit.”
Erin studied her. Was that glitter on her neck? “Late night?”
That earned her a look that saidback off. “I could ask you the same. I assume Connor didn’t object to the roommate situation?”
“Nope. But I blew him anyway just for good measure.”
Polly laughed, that girlish laugh that was unexpected every time. “And he didn’t even offer to make you breakfast?”
Erin signaled the waitress for coffee. “Morning afterglow isn’t really my thing.”
“Shocking.”
The waitress appeared with a menu and coffee. Erin waved it away and ordered a tall stack of chocolate chip pancakes. “So how does working with a computer land you in prison?”
“When you hack into the White House Twitter account.” She sipped her coffee. “And you tweet screenshots of email correspondence between the vice president and his mistress.”
“Hot damn.”
