Page 13 of A Lifetime of Afters
All at once, his hands turned solid and unyielding against me. His entire body stiffened like a bow as he abruptly released me and tumbled from the bed.
“Fuck! Sorry, Noelle!”
Alarmed by the change, I rolled onto my back to find him standing over me, hands fisted in his unruly hair, eyes wide with horror. Even so, they seared a trail down my naked body.
“Oh, no, no, no, no, no,” he spun away.
I swallowed my heart and rose from his bed, not bothering to hide my nakedness. I’d exposed my heart to him over and over. What did it matter if he saw my body?
“You know,” I bit out as I glided past him with as much dignity as I could muster. “This is a new experience for me. I’m not sure I’ve ever garnered that reaction from a man.”
“Noelle,” he groaned, pained, his palms to his face, rubbing roughly. Even so his eyes skittered over my form before darting away and back again.
So, I wasn’t completely repugnant to him.
At the door to the bathroom, I turned, leveled him with my gaze, and cocked my head. “It’s been less than pleasant and not an experience I wish to repeat.”
He raked a hand through his hair, his eyes bleak. He opened his mouth to speak but I held up a hand to hold him off.
“I’ll be sure the next man knows exactly what he’s getting before I take him into my bed.”
His stormy eyes turned black while his chin dipped like a bull preparing to charge.
I lifted my chin. He would not cow me. “If you wouldn’t mind getting my bag and leaving it outside the door, I’m going to grab another shower and get out of your life.”
His shoulders slumped. “Noelle…”
Closing the door with barely a click, I held on until the sting of the shower on my face masked my tears. I didn’t need another shower, but I couldn’t go home with the smell and feel of his body imprinted on mine.
I cupped my hand around the breast he’d held and cried for the loss.
I washed the wet from between my thighs and wept for the frivolity of hope.
Sinking quietly to the floor, I wrapped my arms around my legs.
Wondered for the thousandth time if I had given myself fully to Barrett would I even now be happily ensconced in his strong arms? Arms that had held me, comforted me, loved me though he didn’t love me. Could it have worked if I had given myself over to him instead of waiting for that something that I’d felt only once?
With no way of knowing, but knowing well what happened when I didn’t, I vowed to release my hold on impossible dreams.
And promised to not make the same mistake the next time life saw fit to gift me with a good man.
As asked, Hawk left my bag at the bathroom door. I took my time getting dressed, unsure how to face him after this most recent and humiliating rejection. I sat on the bed to plan my next move. I needed to get away from him. Once and for all.
Pulling the covers up around me again, I slipped my cell from my purse, dug deep, and pulled up my happy voice.
“Hi, Dad!”
“Noelle! Baby! When are you coming home?”
His obvious joy at the sound of my voice invited me to crawl into his lap and cry out my heartache.
I laughed instead. “I’m actually here! Well, sort of. I got as far as Hawk’s place.”
“Hawk’s? How did that happen? I didn’t even know you knew where he lived,” Dad answered, dumbstruck.
“I didn’t. It was pure, dumb luck that I happened to pull into his driveway.” Emphasis on dumb, I added on silently. “My battery is dead. I’m going to get a boost from Hawk and then head over. I should be there within the hour.”
“Honey, I don’t think the roads are passable,” he hesitantly responded.
