Page 75 of Hateful
As much as I want to, I know I can’t stand here like this forever. I have no choice but to face my fate … even if part of me wants to just climb out the window and sneak away, never to be heard from again.
I’d just become the shadow, the memory, the faintest ghost of the girl who snuck into Bleakwood.
But that part of me isn’t the part that wins out.
I wrap the towel around my chest and step out into my dorm room. Rafael sits cross-legged on the bed with a grim expression as I pass him and go to my dresser. I can’t bring myself to look him in the eyes.
I know I’m not the only one who’s going to face the repercussions of what I’ve done.
“Well, I guess it’s fine that your butt never shrank,” Rafael sighs after a moment, looking down at his phone.
I purse my lips without answering.
I manage to find some jeans that aren’t so baggy that they make me look like a lump of fabric and a T-shirt that doesn’t swallow me whole. I only brought sports bras, but with a T-shirt that fits, you can still see that my breasts at least exist.
And just like that, suddenly it’s clear that Alex the boy was never a boy at all.
Just like that, the idea that I waseverable to pass—let alone for as long as I did—is absolutely ridiculous.
I run my fingers through my still-wet hair. My stomach clenches in panic. I’m so used to disguising myself that the thought of going out there as a version close to who I actually am almost gives me a panic attack.
The edges of my vision begin to blur, even as the center comes into such sharp focus that it hurts to look at anything directly. My breaths grow shorter. My heart, already racing, somehow runs a beat faster.
I clench down on the edge of my dresser so hard that I can imagine the wood splintering beneath my grasp.
“Will you come with me?” I ask Rafael breathlessly, still unable to look at him.
“Of course I will,” he replies flatly.
I finally glance over at him, meeting his gaze for just a moment. There’s none of the hatred there that I deserve. None of the regret I expected to see.
Instead, Rafael just looks … resigned. Like he knew this was coming, maybe even before I did. Not this instance in particular, just … just that he knew our little game wasn’t really going to hold out for long.
“Really,” Rafael adds, swinging his legs over the edge of the bed and taking a deep breath of his own, “Did you think I was just going to sit here and let you go alone? Are you stupid?”
Yes,I think, but I don’t actually say that. I slip my feet into my shoes and check myself in the mirror again. God, I look like a girl. A very tomboy-ish girl, but a girl nonetheless.
“I think I’m ready.”
“Brush your hair.”
I do as Rafael says. Now I look evenmorelike a girl.
“Nowyou’re ready.” He slides off the bed and gives me a once over.
I grab an oversized hoodie and tie it around my waist before we go. Rafael gives me a disapproving look, but I don’t care. Something about the judgmental look in Rafael’s eye at my choice ofclothingat a time like this is somehow … reassuring. At least he’s acting normal.
That makes one person in this whole godforsaken establishment.
We walk together back to the entranceway. The dean and Headmistress Robin are still there, as well as a handful of students. I’m surprised there aren’t more, if I’m being honest. I’d expected an entire crowd to form.
Come see the newest fuck-up by Alex Trevellian—this one by far her worst yet.
Most of the parents are still here, seemingly arguing with the dean who is wringing his hands and doing his best to keep the peace. Not very successfully, I might add.
I just do my best not to hear what it is they’re arguing about. I don’t need to.
I already know what it is.
