Page 34 of Hateful
A white-hot rage flares up in my stomach, and I suddenly remember myself and step away from him, shoving him back. The pack of cigarettes falls to the ground. I scoop it up and shove it back into my pocket.
“Some class?” I repeat, flabbergasted. “Is that what you call it?
Jasper frowns as he takes another drag. “What’s wrong?”
“What’swrong?” I sputter. I have no clue what to say to him. How can he not see what’s wrong? “Beck’s been back to bullying me for weeks now. Today he called me The Brotherhood’s bitch. And you haven’t stepped in.”
He shrugs. “YouareThe Brotherhood’s bitch.”
I feel heat rise to my cheeks, and I turn away to blow an angry puff on my cigarette. When I turn back, Jasper still regards me with a calm, confused expression.
“So that’s not over, then? That’s not behind us?”
“It’s tradition.” He shrugs. “That’s just how it’s always been.”
“And you obviously haven’t told Heath and Beck about … about all this,” I add, because that’s been eating away at me, too.
He frowns and shakes his head. “No. I can’t. Not without telling them you’re a girl, and I can’t do that without—”
His lips purse together.
“So, it’s your image you’re worried about.”
“Hey—yousigned up for this, not me,” Jasper snaps. “You cameknowinglyto an all-boys school and chose to dress up like a boy. What, you thought it’d be easy? You didn’t think it would be different from thepublic schoolsyou’re used to?” His lip curls as he says “public schools”, as though he has so much disdain for them they make him want to retch. “You didn’t think this would be hard?”
This time it’s tears that I feel. “I didn’t think someone who liked me would be making it harder for me.”
Jasper scoffs, takes another drag, and throws his cigarette into the snow, where it fizzles out. “Well, you’re looking more and more like a girl every day.” His cheeks color. “I haven’t been able to keep my eyes off you. You’re getting … curvy.”
I’m speechless at that. So speechless that I can’t bring myself to protest when he throws open the door and disappears inside it.
But not before he utters something that sounds much too close to a threat to be ignored.
“If you’re not careful, soon I won’t be the only one struggling to keep my hands off you.”
Chapter Thirteen
My hands shakeas I stare at myself in the full-length mirror on the back of the dorm room door. I don’t normally stand fully naked in here out of respect for Rafael, but I need to look at my body, and I need to look at it closely.
The fat that I’d put on in my hips and thighs around Christmas has begun to shrink, but it’s not gone yet. That’s fine—I’m taking care of that. I’ll just have to go for longer runs.
The problem is my breasts.
For the first time, I can reach up and cup them and actuallyfeelsomething. Before they were tiny lumps, mosquito bites, maybe—now there’s an actual handful there, something I can grab. It’s a strange, foreign feeling. I thought I wouldn’t have them, but I suppose I’m just a late bloomer.
Maybe I should be elated that I’m finally getting boobs. Wouldn’t most girls be? But this just makes everything more difficult.
The door handle starts to turn. I yelp and grab my clothes from my dresser.
“One sec!” I call desperately.
“It’s just me,” Rafael says flatly from the other side of the door.
“I’m not decent!”
I hear him sigh heavily. “I don’t care. Nothing you’ve got will titillate me, if that’s what you’re worried about.”
I pause in the middle of tugging on my pants and hold my T-shirt up to my chest before I say quietly, “Okay, fine. You can come in.”
