Page 27 of Hateful
“I want to apologize.”
ButnowI can’t ignore him.
“Oh?” I ask in spite of myself.
“Yeah. I didn’t—Beck’s been weird lately. I’m sorry.”
“So you wanted to apologize on behalf of Beck, then?”
“And Heath,” he retorts. “And … me. I’m sorry.”
I don’t know what to say back. He seems genuine. He seems … sad, almost. He looks at me thoughtfully for a few minutes before looking down at his feet again.
“I didn’t want to—I didn’t want for that to happen.”
The next words are tumbling out of my mouth before I have the chance to catch myself. “You didn’t do much to stop it.”
“Beck’s kind of a scary guy.”
Surprised, I look over at him, but he’s still looking down, scuffing his toe along the ground.
He takes another drag on his cigarette. “He’s been obsessed with everyone thinking he’s tough. It’s been happening … shit, ever since that big lacrosse game last semester.”
I feel my stomach clench. Right after “that big lacrosse game last semester”, Beck kissed me outside the locker rooms. It was confusing to say the least. Confusing for both of us, especially because as far as he knows, I’m still a guy.
It could be a coincidence … or it could not.
“Oh,” is all I can say.
We smoke the rest of our cigarettes down in silence. He doesn’t seem to want to pull forgiveness out of me, which I appreciate.Appreciate.Never thought that’d be a word I’d use to describe something Jasper did to me.
The silence doesn’t last forever.
After a while, though, he puts the tiny stub of his almost-done cigarette to his lips, takes a deep breath, and then says, “Can I ask you something, Alex?”
“Sure.” I’m a little startled that he called me by my name.
He fiddles with the cigarette and then takes a final drag. “Before Christmas … in that classroom.”
My stomach sinks. I’ve been trying to forget that night. I thought we both had.
But Jasper just clears his throat again and pushes onward.
“Did I just imagine things, or …?”
My heart is pounding so fast I’m sure he can hear it. What do I say? Do I deny it? Do I confirm it? I don’t want anyone to find out.
Just say you don’t know what he’s talking about,I think to myself, trying not to panic.
That panic can’t be quelled however, not at the very least before Jasper must catch sight of it on my face.
He shrugs, taking a half step away and looking away from me. “Never mind. It doesn’t matter.” He flicks the butt of his cigarette onto the ground and stomps it out, just as I did before. “It doesn’t change this.”
“Change what?” I ask, but before I can get the words all the way out, Jasper closes the distance between us, pulls me to him, and presses his lips to mine.
It’s like being struck by lightning.
The cigarette falls from my hand as I become suddenly aware of every square inch of my body and how it forms into his.
