Page 259 of Seasons of Love
"It was my life, too. I had the right to know and then you fucking died, leaving behind the lies and the hurt. How could you think we would never find out? How could you, Rodrigo?"
His shiny blue eyes that were once full of life, desire, and love were now only puddles of grief.
Before he walked out of my life for good, I went into the guest bedroom. It didn't take me long to find what I was looking for.
I couldn't go after him because his words had sealed our fate, but I could give him something else. Taking his hand, I placed on his palm the small bunch of dried flowers he'd left behind on the night we'd met.
He let out a small gasp and held my gaze for a moment before he closed his eyes and shook his head.
"I'm sorry, I can't do this. I can't do it a second time."
As I walked up the stairs to the second floor of the center, I was relieved that none of the activities of the fundraiser extended to this floor. Apart from a tour of the facilities we'd done earlier for a few select donors who wanted to see what their support had paid for, the floor wasn't being used.
I opened the door to the nearest room and went straight to the enclosed bathroom to empty the contents of my stomach down the toilet. Not that there was much to bring up since I hadn't been able to eat anything since Vítor walked out of the apartment and my life less than twenty-four hours ago.
If I'd had a choice, I'd be hiding in my bedroom and drowning my sorrows in some form of alcohol, except I'd never been a big drinker and I had responsibilities I couldn't hide from. Instead, I did now what I'd done when my brother had gone missing.
I'd buried my emotions deep down inside and carried on with what needed to be done.
I'd arrived at the center earlier than I needed to, and I'd been on automatic pilot since.
Making sure everything was ready for the fundraiser, check.
Greeting volunteers and helpers, check.
Greeting guests and doing tours of the center, check.
Unveiling the new wall art with the kids, check.
Smiling for photographs, check.
Talking to the press, check.
Finally, being able to escape and give myself some time to give in to the pain was my own reward for keeping it together so well all night. I only needed a few minutes alone and then I'd be able to get back downstairs for the rest of the evening.
I wanted to cry at the unfairness of it all. Vítor and I had met by chance at the bar, and his lease of the apartment was another coincidence like the universe was trying hard to bring us together.
I wanted to lash out at David for asking me to look for Vítor, and I wanted to lash out at Mário for not standing up to their father earlier, but most of all, I wanted to lash out at myself for keeping it all a secret.
If I'd told Vítor the truth when I'd realized who he was, the choice to see his family would have been his. We may even have had a chance of staying together, and if we hadn't, at least it would have happened before I'd gone and fallen for him.
The door to the room opened. David had put on his professional mask, but I knew him well enough to tell he was struggling with what had happened.
He sat next to me on the single bed and put his hand on my shoulder.
"How are you holding up?"
I shook my head because I was afraid of what I might say if I tried to form words to explain how I was feeling.
"Is he gone for good?"
"Yes."
David put his arms around me and pulled me into a hug.
"I was stupid and selfish," I said.
"No, you weren't. He's so easy to be around, isn't he?"
