Page 258 of Seasons of Love
"David, I need to go after him. Can you coordinate things here for me?"
Teresa and Mário both looked like they were in shock. I'd forgotten that Mário wasn't even aware that I was looking for his brother. I owed them both an apology, but I couldn't do it now because any time spent here was time Vítor could be at home packing his bags to go back to Porto.
"I'll look after everything, Tiago. Please go."
So I did.
I ran out of the taxi after dropping more money than I owed for the trip. Traffic had been a nightmare, and I could only hope that if I had been stuck in it, so had Vítor.
The apartment was silent as I walked in, but I didn't want to give in to the feelings inside me. If I let them take over, I'd crumble on the floor and never get up again, so I hurried to the room to pack a bag. If Vítor had gone back to Porto, I'd be right on his heels.
I stopped when I saw him sitting on the other side of the bed with a bag by his feet. He was hunched over, and his head was down. He looked broken.
"Why?" was the only word he said.
I walked over and kneeled in front of him. I stopped myself from touching him like I wanted.
"David asked Isaac to look for you last year, but with Isaac moving to New York and me taking over the running of the center, I couldn't do it until a few months ago."
"Did you know who I was when we met at the bar?"
"No. I was there to meet Fred, but he cancelled on me. Vítor, you have to believe me, I didn't know who you were that night. God, I didn't even have your name."
He still hadn't made any eye contact, but he hadn't moved, either, so I saw it as an opportunity to tell him what had happened.
"Afterwards, Fred wasn't around and I needed something to focus on, so I went to see David. That's when he told me what had happened to you. I was trying to build a picture of who you were. That same night was when I came to the apartment and you were here.
"At the time, you were only the guy I'd had a great evening with at the bar and who kissed like a god."
He let out a laugh but still didn't look up.
"Then you were there for me and you listened without judgment. We hadn't known each other long, and you were already taking small pieces of my heart and restoring them for me. David gave me some old photos he believed had you in them. I didn't make the connection until I saw the drawing on your wall."
I pulled my wallet from my pocket and took the small photo out. Vítor looked pained as he took the photo and let his fingers stroke the faces of the younger version of himself and then Paula.
"I didn't know how to handle it. I should have said something right then."
"Why didn't you?"
"Because I was a coward who had needed you too much. I was selfish. I took all the comfort you were giving me, and I was afraid that if I told you the truth, you'd never want anything to do with me. I was afraid you didn't want to be found."
"You lied. You asked me about the photo after you already knew who I was and heard me talk about everything I went through." His voice was so quiet and broken.
"I'm so sorry."
Vítor got up and picked up the bag.
"Please, don't go." My eyes were burning from all the tears.
"I could have handled anything, Tiago. Anything, except the lies."
"I was going to tell you everything. Please believe me. I was just wai—" He held his hand up to stop me.
"That's the problem. People only admit to lying when they're found out, and sometimes, it's just too late to do anything about it."
"Vítor."
He stared out of the window and spoke so quietly I wasn't sure if it was for me, him, or someone else.
