Page 134 of Seasons of Love
A part of me still wants to feel desired by a man. To think his body reacted to me. The reality is he’s a young guy who probably doesn’t need much to get an erection, and any shirtless man will do.
“Uncle Ellis!” Marnie comes running toward me with Benji on her tail.
“Hey, kiddos. How’s it going?”
“Benji said a bad word yesterday,” Marnie whispers. “But I didn’t tell Mommy because I don’t want him to get in trouble.”
At only two years old, Benji rarely says much that makes sense, so I seriously doubt he said any kind of swear word.
“Did you tell him he shouldn’t repeat the word?” I ask her.
She nods, taking her big-sister duties far too seriously for her age.
“Come on, Benji. Let’s go play with Uncle Darius and the baby.”
A moment later, Darius is attacked by the two, and I watch closely to see if he needs rescuing, but in typical chill-Darius mode, he manages the situation perfectly.
The kids sit next to him as he tells him some kind of story, and even Sara stares at him as if she understands what he’s saying.
“Wow. Those are some superpowers right there,” Milo says.
“Speaking of superpowers,” I say, leaning back on the chair to face Milo slightly. “How come you know so much about landscaping? Not just the building part, but what you’ve suggested about flowers and plants for my yard?”
A wide smile spreads across his face as he tucks his right leg under his left to face me.
“My mom. She loved flowers. Pink roses were her favorite. I used to listen to her talk about flowers for hours when I was a kid. We didn’t have a TV, and my brother was more the type to play outside. After she got sick, I used to go to the library and borrow books for her. We’d spend entire afternoons reading about how to look after different flowers. Annuals, perennials, what to plant for what weather.”
“How long has she been gone?”
Milo looks down to where his fingers play with the hem of his shirt. “She died when I was eighteen, just before I finished high school.”
“Is that why you didn’t graduate?”
He nods. “My brother was fifteen, so social services wanted to take him away, especially because…well, anyway, I got a job at the grocery store, and they let us stay together as long as Mikey went to school.”
The brightness in Milo’s eyes dissipates and is replaced with pain. He glances at Sara. Some of his smile returns but not completely.
“My mom used to talk about this place. A little village tucked away in a corner of the White Mountains. Every year in June, the lupines bloom for a short time, and the entire village and the surrounding fields look magical.”
“Lupines?”
“They’re these kind of tall cone-shaped flowers. They’re hard to describe, but you can look them up on your computer. I don’t even know where this village is, but I’ve always wanted to find it so I can take Sara one day.”
The vulnerability in Milo’s voice makes me reach out to him. I touch his shoulder, and he looks at me.
“I hope you can make your dream come true for Sara.”
“It’s just a silly dream. The place probably doesn’t even exist. My mom made up a lot of things to pass the time, especially after my dad died. She used to tell all these stories about things they’d done when they were young. It never occurred to me at the time that some of them might not be true.”
I squeeze his arm. “It’s okay to have dreams. Without them, what’s the point of living? How do we continue getting up each day if we don’t have something to look forward to?”
“What’s your dream?”
I look at the surrounding setup.
Max is at the grill, wearing his Kiss the Chef apron my sister gave him for Christmas last year. Alice keeps bringing bowls of food covered with foil, assisting Max, and never for a second taking her eyes off her kids, even though they’re in the safest hands.
And then there’s my tough-as-nails on the outside and marshmallow on the inside little brother. We’re all so different, but in a way, we’re all the same.
