Page 135 of Seasons of Love
“You’re looking at it,” I say, answering Milo’s question.
“You want a free barbeque?”
I turn to him, and his teasing smile makes me happy.
Only a month ago, Milo was really shy around me. Rarely made eye contact and his words always seemed to get stuck before coming out together all at once. It was adorable, but I never understood why he reacted to me that way.
I guess now that I know him a little better, I can see he was shy with someone he didn’t know very well.
“A family. Our parents always traveled a lot for work. Sometimes out of need, but I think it’s just how they are. Free and adventurous spirits who are curious about the world. Naturally, they’d produce three children who’d be the polar opposite.”
Milo smiles.
“Darius was the least exposed to all the moving around, and Alice put her foot down when she was in high school and demanded to stay here with our grandparents. I was the only one who followed them, maybe out of obligation. I didn’t want them to think they were being abandoned by their children. But when I finished college, I settled in Boston, and things changed for me.”
“You wanted to settle down and start a family?”
17
MILO
Some kind of emotion goes through Ellis before he smiles and picks up a chip.
“Yeah, I mean, isn’t that what most people want? Come home to the person you love, a couple of kids, that kind of thing?” He plays with the chip before putting it in his mouth.
I tilt my head and rest my chin on the arm I have over the back of the chair.
“Generally, yeah. A lot of people want that. But you’re dedicating your life to educating our next generation. You light up when you see Sara, but you also look at her like you’re afraid to get too attached.”
“What are you trying to say?”
“That it’s okay to want more. That it’s okay to say you want it.”
Ellis licks his lips and takes a sip from his drink. “Still won’t make it come true.”
“No, but sometimes the best things that happen to us are the most unexpected, so you never know.” I shrug and smile encouragingly.
I don’t even know why I’m trying to get Ellis to open up about this. It’s not my business anyway.
He sighs. “You’re right. I’ve only ever wanted two things in my life. To teach and to have a family. Not just to have children, but to have the kind of relationship Alice does.” He looks over at his sister, who’s by the grill, kissing Max like they’re a couple of teenagers.
“No matter how crazy my sister is, Max loves every single part of her and she loves him, and together they have these two amazing little humans who will grow up to be happy people with great role models.”
Ellis stares at his drink. “It’s a silly dream, quite boring when you think of it. Just wanting to come home, kiss your husband silly, and tuck your kids into bed. But that’s all I ever wanted.”
“You don’t want that anymore?”
He shrugs. “I don’t know. Maybe. It may be too late now. I’m too old.”
I don’t understand why. Ellis isn’t old by any means, so why wouldn’t he still be able to have what he wants?
“Every time I was sad, my mom always tried to find the positive. If it was raining, she told me to stand by the window and wait until I saw the break in the clouds. When I saw it, it would stop raining, and I could go out and play,” I say. “A lot of the things she said when I was young didn’t make sense. At least not until Sara was born. Before her, there was nothing… No, that’s not fair. Before her, life was different. But she was my break in the clouds. My rainbow gift from the world to let me know I’m not alone.”
Ellis’s gaze burns into mine. “She’s an amazing baby. I see so much of you in her.”
My throat closes up, and I have to look away.
“She’s not mine,” I confess, but it’s more like a whisper I’m not sure Ellis even hears. This isn’t something I tell many people. There aren’t many people to tell. Those who know, also know why she’s with me. “I mean, she’s my daughter on paper.” I finally look at Ellis and see nothing but compassion. “I’m her uncle.”
