Page 388 of Seasons of Love
“Jake, I hope you know you can come here and look after your aunt’s roses anytime. We can see they’re important to you. Besides, I don’t know the first thing about flowers, so all I’ve done is make sure they’re watered,” Griff said.
Jake got up and took the empty cup to the sink, then he turned to face us but looked straight at me. “Look, I just wanted to reassure you that I have never and would never do anything with guests at the resort. I mean, again…I wouldn’t do it again. And I’m not saying it because you obviously know I’ve done it now because—”
“Jake,” I interrupted. “It’s okay. I know what you mean. Why don’t we start over like it never happened?”
Jake looked at Griff and then walked toward the door before turning back around. “Yeah…sure…never happened. I guess I’ll see you at work tomorrow.” And he was gone.
The noise of the front door closing was like a punch to the gut. And fuck me if I could understand why. I put my cup in the sink and leaned against it, looking out of the window toward the garden.
“What’s wrong with you?” Griff said, his voice laced with unusual irritation.
“There’s nothing wrong with me. Jake starts his new job at the resort tomorrow. He clearly doesn’t want things to be awkward for us. I made it easy for everyone.”
“Of course you did,” Griff said, walking out of the kitchen.
I followed him to the spare room where he’d set up his office.
“What do you mean?” I asked. “Why do I feel like I’ve said something wrong?”
He sighed.
“Because you have, Mal.”
“How was I supposed to have handled it? Should we have gone down memory lane? Remembered how amazing it felt to kiss him? Hold him? Fuck him? And how I nearly came just by watching you two together? Is that what you wanted? And how about the fact that we’re going to be working together?”
I’d avoided this topic like the plague, but it seemed Jake’s presence had opened that particular can and the worms were spilling out.
“Oh, Mal.” Griff wrapped his arms around me. I kissed his hair and breathed in the familiar scent of his shampoo. “Do you remember when we talked about it before we moved here?”
I nodded, my words stuck in my throat.
“I need you to tell me what’s on your mind and how you feel,” he said.
“I thought I just did,” I chuckled, and he shook his head. “I don’t want to be around him,” I finally confessed.
“Why?”
I pulled away a little so I could look into Griff’s deep-brown eyes.
“You saw what happened at lunch with Frank. I’m attracted to Jake, and I’m terrified of it.”
“Is it because you’re going to be working with him?”
“Yes, but not just that. Griff, I’m…the thought that I want someone else makes me hate myself because I love you so much. I can’t stand the thought that I could hurt you in any way.”
Griff pulled me to the couch he had in his office and pushed me to sit down, then he straddled me and put his hands on either side of my face.
“Mal, I have no doubt that you love me. I trust you, and I know that you would never pursue anything with Jake or anyone else unless I agreed to it. The fact that you’re struggling so much with your attraction to Jake tells me everything I need to know.”
I nodded, and he carried on.
“Open your heart, baby. The same way you opened it for me. Just open it and see what happens. Would you be attracted to other people? Or just Jake? You need to know so you can decide what you want to do. Avoiding it will only make you hurt.”
“I know that you’re right. There’s just so many elements to this. And whether or not I’m attracted to Jake, there’s still the fact that we can’t act on it.”
“Tell you what, my sweet, gruff, gorgeous husband,” he said, running his fingers through my hair and gripping it tightly.
“Who? Me?” I put my hands on his ass and pulled him closer so our dicks brushed against each other, which, even with clothes on, felt exquisite.
