Page 111 of Seasons of Love
“I’m sorry.” I can see it in his eyes. He’s been here for all of it. He feels it.
But those two words aren’t enough.
All the sorry in the world won’t go back in time and stop Jimmy, Mikey, and their friends from using the playground as their personal drug playpen.
All the sorry in the world won’t bring my brother back from the dead just as he’d turned his life around.
“Look, I just want to get home to Sara so Florrie can go to her knitting club,” I say, trying to find some calm inside the storm swirling in my heart.
He nods, and we walk the rest of the way in silence.
His place is a few houses down from mine, so I’m opening the front gate I share with Florrie when he says, “I guess you’d probably say no if I asked you out now, wouldn’t you?”
I smile. “I would, but not for the reasons you’re thinking, Jimmy.”
He shakes his head. “How do you know what I’m thinking?”
“We work together, which is a bad idea from the start. We have nothing in common, and I’m too busy with Sara to even consider dating right now.”
“Not to mention you already have a crush on a certain elementary school teacher.” He puts his hands in his pockets and stares at me. I see the defiance in his eyes.
“I need to go inside, Jimmy. I’ll see you at work.”
“That wasn’t a denial,” he says, walking away.
No, it wasn’t, but I don’t owe Jimmy or anyone an explanation about my feelings for Ellis. As long as Jimmy doesn’t say anything inappropriate at work, I don’t give a crap if he thinks I have a crush on Ellis.
When I walk inside my small house, Sara is standing on Florrie’s lap.
“Look, Daddy, we’re doing our exercises so we’re good and strong for when we start walking,” Florrie says, holding Sara’s hands. “Isn’t that right?”
Sara calls out Dada as she’s been doing more and more. It breaks my heart as much as it fills it with joy and love.
“Hello, beautiful. Did you have a good day?”
I take her from Florrie and relish in her baby smell as she grabs hold of the neck of my shirt and continues babbling.
“Oh, that busy, huh?” I joke. “Sounds like I’m missing out on all the fun.”
“You definitely missed out.” Florrie laughs.
“What happened?” I squint my eyes, almost afraid of what’s coming.
“Oh, nothing much, just Little Miss Independent wanting to wear her snacks rather than eating them.”
I give Florrie an apologetic look, but we both know this comes with the territory.
“Righty-o, I better get ready for my club,” she says, getting up. “Oh, by the way, I saw something in today’s newspaper that you might be interested in and made a phone call to inquire.”
She points at the paper on the table as she leaves.
I look at Sara and poke her tummy. “What trouble is Florrie getting us into this time, sweetie?” But when I see the paper, I know it’s far from it.
It could be the solution, even if temporary, to my problems.
9
ELLIS
