Page 83 of Always Beth
‘It’s the committal music, isn’t it? It’s what she wanted, it feels wildly inappropriate, doesn’t it?’
‘“MMMBop?”’
I grimace as I hear her say it out loud and think that maybe I should pretend I never read the request. She smiles gently and starts nodding her head to an invisible beat.
‘I get it,’ she says finally.
‘I don’t, it’s about as irritating as “Believe”by Cher, if you ask me. We may have been twins but our taste in music couldn’t have been more different.’
Pinching the bridge of her nose, she bursts into a fit of laughter. ‘James, you’re just so…’
She doesn’t have to finish the sentence. I know what she’s thinking. Lauren would have reacted the same. Now suddenly, for the first time in twelve days, I laugh and I laugh hard and I realise that this was the point. To hell with what anyone thinks, it’s what Lauren wanted. And whatever Lauren wanted, Lauren gets.
* * *
I shouldn’t be here, it’s like I’ve thought of the most selfish thing I could possibly do and then multiplied it by one hundred. The funeral’s tomorrow and I’m not ready to say goodbye. There’s only one way I can make it through until morning and that doesn’t involve another night with only Dick for company. Before she left me this evening, I so desperately wanted to ask her to stay, but I couldn’t find the courage. Now fuelled by three glasses of red, I’m at her gate. If the drink has done one thing, it helped me make my decision, but my mind’s still clear enough to know that this isn’t a good idea. With my brain on autopilot, I carried Dick all the way here, his tiny legs didn’t hit the pavement once; if I try really hard, I could convince myself that this is for him. I tap the door lightly and wait.
‘James?’
Beth pulls her dressing gown tightly around her, like this is the first time I’ve ever seen her in a state of undress. ‘What are you doing here?’
‘Would you believe me if I said Dick wanted to see Poppy?’
She smiles and rests her head against the door. ‘Would you like to come in?’
I follow her into the kitchen and place Dick on the floor, his tiny legs scoot across the tiles, settling next to Poppy in her basket.
‘See, I told you.’ I nod towards them both and Beth laughs as she flicks on the kettle. ‘Do you not have anything stronger than tea?’ I have a feeling it won’t mix with the shiraz I’ve already downed.
Pulling a bottle of wine from the rack, she holds it in the air and I nod in agreement. Those three glasses I had earlier are about to get a swift top-up.
‘So, I know why Dick’s here but how about you?’
‘The cottage is too quiet. Tonight, of all nights, it’s suffocating.’
The glug of the wine into the glasses fills me with a bout of courage I didn’t even realise I needed. I slide up behind her, so close that the essence of sweet vanilla and floral notes, which I can only attribute to the candles, invades my senses. She glances across her shoulder at me as I blindly move the glass from around her and raise it to my lips. She focuses on the contents as I devour every last drop before beginning to mirror me at a languid pace, and it’s torturous to say the least.
‘It’s stifling, isn’t it? I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. So if you have the chance to change it, I’d do something about it,’ she breathes into my chest.
‘About what?’
‘Being alone.’
My eyes drop down her body as my fourth glass begins to sink in and any doubts that I had slip away. ‘You should finish that,’ I say, focusing on the last of the wine in her glass.
‘Why?’
‘Because you should know by now it’s thirsty work keeping up with me.’
Her eyes widen and her throat bobs as she swallows over and over before nothing is left other than a stain of red. After trailing my hand along the fluffy fabric of her gown, it only takes a soft tug to make the cord fall apart, revealing her naked body beneath.
I roll my lips as I fight to control my smile. As ever, she’s unexpected and it reminds me she’s everything I need to bring me back from the brink of despair.
‘I wasn’t expecting company.’
‘I was expecting penguin pyjamas, so…’ As I slide my hands around her waist, her skin is as soft as I remember and I’m immediately transported back to our last night together and a rush of adrenaline courses through my body. Lifting her slightly, she wraps her legs instinctively around my waist and moans as she moulds herself around my waiting erection.
‘Take me to bed, James.’ Her words melt against my skin and I close my eyes as I try to forget everything but her. Our lips fight with one another as I blindly navigate the stairs with her entwined around me. Allowing her to slip down my body, she pulls frantically at my clothes, removing everything she possibly can before finally I find myself as naked as she is. In the moonlight-washed bedroom we stand and stare at each other as if it’s the first time all over again.
