Page 78 of Always Beth
‘There must be something? A new kind of treatment, it doesn’t matter the cost, I’ll pay for it.’ My chest heaves as I search for a solution.
‘Money isn’t going to fix this, James. You can’t fix this. Nothing will change the end result.’
Her long fingers wrap around my neck as she pulls me into her body. The same as the day we were born. We sit crouched for what seems like an eternity, curled up against one another, vulnerable and afraid. Not knowing what the future holds or how many moments like this we have left. I allow my mind to wander to Beth, I need to make things right, otherwise it won’t just be Lauren I lose.
* * *
I’ve lifted my hand towards the knocker twice already. I’ve rehearsed my speech ten times over and I’m seriously considering backing out and going home. For a woman whose body I’ve been inside on multiple occasions, she sure makes me nervous, like no other ever has.
Shit, she’s coming.The door swings open in front of me, and she looks as angry as she did when she slammed it in my face a few nights ago. ‘Are you coming in or are you going to stand on the path all day?’
‘If that’s okay?’ I ask tentatively.
‘I just said it was, didn’t I?’
Shit. This is going to be harder than I thought.
‘I’ve missed you.’
‘You saw me two days ago.’
Folding her arms, she sits on the bottom stair staring up at me expectantly. ‘So did you want something?’
Her walls are firmly back up. It took weeks to crack that armoured exterior Stephen caused and with one stupid mistake I’ve helped her put it back up again.
‘I know I’ve hurt you and I can’t bear the thought that I’m the cause of that.’
Her face falls to her hands that twist repeatedly in her lap. ‘You’re not the cause, are you though? You’re just a by-product.’
‘I lied to you and I shouldn’t have,’ I say regrettably.
‘To spare my heart, not to break it.’
We hold each other’s gaze as our gentle smiles mirror one another. I reach out and pull her up from the stairs. ‘Your heart is too precious to break, that’s why I—’
She places her finger against my lips, silencing me. She knows why I can’t be with her, she doesn’t need reminding.
‘I’ve missed you though,’ I mumble against her as her fingertips caress my jawline.
‘It’s seriously been two days, James.’
‘I know but I’m so used to seeing you or hearing from you and I needed to make this right.’
Wrapping her arms around me instinctively, she fits back into place, like she never left.
‘Friends?’ she breathes into my chest.
I heave a sigh of relief as I play softly with her hair. Taking her head between my hands, I hold her firmly in front of me. ‘Friends.’
Her eyes glisten as I agree with her and despite her cutting me off, she’s unable to disguise that familiar longing. My heart swells as I look down at her, knowing how easily I could lift and carry her to bed, that every part of my soul that needs repairing could be found in the comfort of her body, but I can’t do this to her.
‘I should go…I’m sorry, Beth.’
Her lip quivers as I release her and my heart aches a little bit more.
‘How’s Lauren?’ For the second time in a matter of minutes, I see a glimmer of hopefulness and it’s just as devastating to witness. I shake my head, unable to commit the inevitable to words. My silence telling her everything she needs to know.
I hover over the door handle. ‘Please come around to see her, Beth. I know it will be difficult and it’s probably unfair of me to ask you, but she really likes you and it will mean the world to her.’
