Page 75 of Always Beth
‘Thank you for coming,’ she says softly.
‘We’re going to go now, hand in hand. I want to see a smile on your face and your head held high even though you feel like your world has just fallen apart. Can you do that?’ I press my forehead to her own and she nods and bites her lip in agreement.
As we stride back towards Caroline, from the corner of my eye, I catch Stephen looking on in disbelief. If he recognises me from golf, it’s too late now. He had this coming and more. The man’s an absolute weasel, I don’t know what Beth saw in him in the first place. He never deserved her, never respected her. She’s worth a hundred of him.
ChapterTwenty
James
‘Thank you for the lift,’ Beth says, turning towards me.
‘Can you hear yourself? Thanks for the lift. We live in the same village. You’re my…best friend.’
As I glance over at her, she clutches her bag tightly in her lap.
‘Best friend?’ she repeats slowly.
Shit.That sounded so bad. I reach across with one hand and place it over the top of hers. ‘Look, you know you mean more to me than that, you’re more than my best friend, I just can’t right now. Lauren—’
‘James, I get it, Lauren comes first, I understand, I just miss…’
She’s as clueless as I am about what this is between us.Miss the bickering, the companionship, the sex. All of the above.Who knows how long Lauren has left and every second I’m away from her feels like time wasted. I can’t look back when she’s no longer here and think, if only I had done this or if only we had done that. She’s my twin, my other half, my missing piece, my world.
‘I wish I could give you more of me,’ I say solemnly.
‘I’ll wait for you.’
‘No, Beth, I won’t have you do that. Your husband wasted enough of your life, I’ll not do the same.’
The fact I even care this much speaks volumes. I’ve known for a while, in fact, I think I’ve known since I met her that I love her.
As I grip the steering wheel with both hands, she turns and faces out of the window. I know she’s crying; she’s cried so much this past year she has mastered the art of doing it silently, but she can’t hide the tremble through her body. My chest weighs heavy as the consequences of my actions play out.
What sort of cruel twist of fate brings the love of my life into my life at the same time that it rips the second half of my soul from it? I can’t be everything to both and despite my heart calling me to Beth, I’ll remain committed to Lauren until she takes her last breath.
* * *
‘Thanks again.’ Beth rests her head against the door frame, holding Poppy in her arms.
‘Stop saying thanks, I wanted to be there for you.’
‘That kiss was pretty epic.’
My cock twinges as I relive the memory, it was pretty dramatic. I take a step back so I can’t easily reach out to her.
‘I’ll come to see you and Lauren tomorrow?’
‘Yeah, she will love that,’ I say in agreement.
I push my hands into my pockets, unwilling and unable to leave, but I know she’s never going to ask me in, her conscience wouldn’t allow her to. But I know that if she did, I would crumble. She’s too good for me. I don’t know what the future holds for us, I’m scared to even think about it. I can’t imagine not having her in my life.
‘I can’t get it out of my head, you know, seeing her. Pregnant.’
‘I know. I never thought he would bring her, he wanted to keep it quiet because of the elections. Adultery is not a good look.’
‘What?’ She drops Poppy to the ground.
Fuck.
