Page 72 of Always Beth
‘Thanks again for last night, that bed of yours though, uncomfortable as hell.’
Opening her eyes, she stares at me across James’ shoulder for a few seconds before pulling away, releasing him from her embrace. Clearing her throat, she nods in my direction and as he quickly turns towards me, I immediately see the panic in his face.
‘B-Beth.’
‘I just thought you’d like this crumble. I mean, I made two so I thought you’d like it.’ I thrust the pie dish towards him. The quicker I can get out of here the better.
‘Oh, thank you, Lauren loves crumble.’
He stares awkwardly for a few seconds, like a man who’s been caught out, unprepared, with no excuse. A man like Stephen. Unfortunately I’ve been there and claimed that t-shirt and have no interest in doing it again. The hurt inside is no different, in fact, this time it’s worse. Because this time I’m blindsided, confusing Lauren for his wife was one thing, but this here in the cold light of day needs no explanation.
Taking a few steps backwards, I tug firmly at Poppy’s lead as she tries to inch ever closer to the inside of the cottage. ‘Sorry to disturb you both. Don’t worry about the dish, return it whenever.’ I wave my hand in the air and turn promptly on the spot, my feet can’t carry me quickly enough to escape the scene I’ve unwittingly descended on this morning. Another image I now have of a man I thought I meant something to, in the arms of another woman.
‘Beth, wait. Beth!’ His voice travels desperately from the cottage.
I force my gaze towards the ground as I power on towards home. If I walk quickly enough, I can pretend I can’t hear him.
‘Beth, please, wait up.’
The curl of his hand around my arm has my body reacting instinctively, forcing him away. ‘Please don’t. I don’t want to hear your excuses. Go back to her.’
‘No. Not this time. I’m not letting you push me away without giving me a chance to explain.’ He releases my arm and rubs his eyes repeatedly, as he tries to compose himself.
‘Late night, was it?’ I roll my eyes, unable to look at him.
‘Yeah, it was actually.’
A small laugh escapes my lips. At least he’s honest.
‘That was Grace. Lauren wanted to see her to reconcile before it was too late.’
‘Grace your ex-girlfriend?’ I whisper.
‘Yes.’
This just gets better; I thought it was some random woman. Now I don’t know what’s worse.
‘So, you did some reconciling of your own, did you?’
Tipping his head back, he stares up at the clouds and I wonder if I’m being unreasonable. It’s not like we’re in a relationship.
‘She stayed the night because Lauren told her about the cancer and she was in too much of a state to drive home. She stayed in my bed and I slept on the couch. I understand why you’re reacting like this after what you saw, but you can trust me, I promise you.’
His words are full of sincerity, his tone full of desperation. There’s nothing I want more than to believe him, but I’m forever ruined. I thought he had the ability to heal me, but he doesn’t.
‘Please, Beth, I spent half the night awake thinking about you, like I’ve done every night since the last night you were in my bed, because sleeping without you is…’
He hesitates, either out of confusion or reluctance.
‘Is what?’
‘I don’t know. All I know is I don’t like it,’ he mumbles hurriedly.
I tentatively reach out for him, but he stops my hand with his own mere inches from his face. ‘It doesn’t matter how I feel though, Beth. Because—’
‘Of Lauren. I know.’
He nods solemnly. ‘I should get back.’ He gestures towards the cottage and squeezes my hand tightly, almost unwilling to let me go. This is too hard and I’m only making it worse. I take my free hand, release the lock of his fingers from mine and place his hand back at his side.
