Page 70 of Always Beth
‘James!’
His eyes dart towards Lauren’s sudden outburst and he quickly follows me into the hall. ‘You don’t have to—’
‘No, no, it’s fine. Thank you for dinner and thank you for tonight, all of it, but I should be getting back to Poppy. Lauren, I’ll see you soon.’ I call back as I hurry out the door. I don’t turn as I head along the path and out into the lane. I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t hoped something would happen tonight, but I didn’t realise how hard it would be to walk away from him again.
James
I’ve been awake half the night and I wish the thoughts that consumed me were of Beth, but they weren’t. As far as Lauren was concerned the conversation began and finished on the way back from the hospital. She’s called Grace and that’s the end of it. Part of me was hoping that she wouldn’t come, that the fall out after our relationship broke down would be enough for her not to want anything more to do with either of us. She was Lauren’s best friend, she didn’t just lose a boyfriend, she lost her closest ally as well. Lauren chose me all those years ago, in the same way that I’m choosing her now and no one could convince me that it’s not the right thing to do. Blood will always be thicker than water.
I check myself in the mirror and I’m hit by a wave of guilt as I notice I’ve unconsciously made an effort for a woman I’ve not seen in five years, a woman who went straight from my bed to my brother’s without giving a damn about the consequences. It’s not that I want to impress her, it’s that I want her to know I’m fine without her and both scenarios involve me looking the best I’ve done in weeks. The best I’ve looked since I took Beth out on the town. My heart sinks as I think of her only minutes away; if I could be with her today instead, I would, but I need to face this and I need to support Lauren.
‘Jesus Christ, what are you wearing?’ Lauren catches me from the corner of her eye, whilst she twitches the curtain every few seconds.
I stare down at my freshly pressed trousers and crisp white shirt. ‘What’s the matter with it?’
‘You’re dressed like you’re going to work.’
I sink down into the couch and open the paper, anything to distract me until she arrives.
Lauren’s nose wrinkles. ‘James, do you think it smells in here?’
‘Yes, of old cottage and dog.’
‘Oh god, what are we going to do?’
I stare at her with disbelief, two minutes ago she was criticising me, now she’s worrying about the state of the place.
‘It’s not like she hasn’t been here before.’ My words fall on deaf ears as she begins to erratically waft air freshener around the room. I hold up my hand in defence from the lavender onslaught. ‘Wait here, I’ve got a solution.’
The box of Beth’s wax melts that I brought back from London have been sitting in my car for weeks now, if anything will cover the scent of ageing woodwork and lovesick dachshund, this is it. I blindly rummage underneath the seat, the only place I could ensure Beth wouldn’t spot them. I thought I’d have no use for them, but something compelled me to keep a box. The rest though, straight off to charity, every month without fail. Finally, my hand connects with the box and as I pull it from the confines of the car, a hand rests on my shoulder.
‘Lauren, I said to wait in…Grace.’
Startled, she immediately steps back and I don’t know who’s more surprised out of the both of us.
‘James, it’s been a long time,’ she says slowly.
She looks the same as I remember and for a second I forget the heartbreak we caused each other.
‘You look well.’ She smiles up at me, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear.
I hesitate, unsure how to respond, and for every second that passes I pray the ground will open and swallow me whole.
‘Grace,’ Lauren calls excitedly from the cottage.
I exhale heavily as they gravitate towards one another and as soon as they embrace, I realise that time has healed their rift. If only I could forget as easily.
* * *
It’s been hours since Grace arrived and for the most part, I’ve let her and Lauren reminisce and bring each other up to date on their lives. My ears certainly pricked up when I heard Grace say she was single, not that I would ever consider rekindling anything with her, but because I thought she’d have settled down by now. After all, settling down was one of the reasons we split up. I wasn’t ready to commit and Grace was, it was never going to end well. At the time, I wondered if I’d made the right decision and after diving into one-night stand after one-night stand, I thought I had. Then along came Beth and now, I care about someone else more than I do myself. So much that when all I want to do is commit to her, the one thing stopping me is the hurt I’ll cause if I do.
‘James,’ Lauren whispers. I glance up to find her peeking around the door, clutching tightly at the frame.
‘Yes?’
‘Grace has been nursing one glass of wine all afternoon, I thought I’d invite her to stay?’
‘Stay?’ I mutter.
