Page 54 of Always Beth
Forcing her way past me, she knocks me into the door frame. It’s going to be one of those conversations, I can tell.
‘It does matter, James, because you’ve been the happiest I’ve seen you since I told you the cancer returned.’
My stomach rolls at hearing the words. It never gets any easier.
Not my Lauren.
‘Am I going to lose her as a tenant over this?’
‘I don’t know. It’s a bit of a mess to be honest.’ I sigh.
Folding her arms, she leans back against the front door, blocking my escape route, and studies me intently. ‘Why’s it a mess? What have you done?’
‘Nothing. Thanks for the vote of confidence.’ I storm into the lounge and throw myself on the sofa.
‘Well, you’re not exactly Mr Relationship, are you?’
I peer up at her, unimpressed. ‘What’s that supposed to mean?’
‘You’ve jumped from woman to woman for the last five years. Don’t think I haven’t noticed. It seems like after Grace, commitment is a problem for you.’
Hearing her name sends chills throughout my body. It always comes back to her and him. Commitment might have been a problem once, but I’d commit to Beth tomorrow if things were different.
‘Don’t psychoanalyse me.’ I point purposefully.
‘Okay fine. Tell me what happened then.’
‘She ended it.’ I shrug.
‘Why?’
‘Because she found out about you.’
‘But when she moved in you went round there, I asked you to, you told her that we’re her neighbours and I was her landlady, right?’
‘No,’ I force out reluctantly.
‘Why the fuck not?’
‘Because I’d already met her out in the paddocks walking Dick, and I liked her the moment I met her. I liked her and then I found out she was the tenant, and I didn’t want to tell her because I needed an out and she gave me that.’
Hurt is etched across her face. I didn’t think things could get much worse, but clearly, I was wrong. ‘You didn’t want her knowing about me?’
‘It wasn’t that. I thought if she found out about you or met you, she would find out about your cancer and I just wanted someone to be my escape.’
She falls silent for a moment, her jaw clenched. ‘I don’t get to escape it, James.’
I swallow, desperately trying to rid myself of the lump in my throat. ‘Lauren, I’m sorry. I’m finding this really hard.’
Her eyes are full of tears and I feel like the most selfish person in the world.
‘So why did she end it?’
I pinch the bridge of my nose and start to laugh; it’s the first time I’ve found it funny since the words passed Beth’s lips earlier.
‘She thinks we’re husband and wife.’
Lauren’s eyes widen and she wrinkles her nose. I can only imagine the look on my face was not dissimilar. ‘That’s gross.’
