Page 5 of Always Beth
Poppy scratches at the cabinet, so I drag myself to her food bowl and empty in the remainder of her dry food, heaving in the process. I’m living the life of a twenty-year-old in the body of a mid-thirties woman. It’s tragic, in a poetic kind of way. As I pour my coffee, the smell makes me feel semi-human once more, and I grab my phone from the table, praying I didn’t send any pathetic text messages in my drunken state last night. My stomach drops as my messages open against Stephen’s name.
Thank the lord.
I was obviously just reading them. Why I do I do it to myself? The last message I received was a month ago about the division of assets in our divorce. No matter how many times I remind him that he cheated on me, I never get the response I’m looking for, which issorry. If we don’t reach an agreement we’re going to end up in court.
Stephen: We need to be civilised about this, Beth. Just because things didn’t work out, doesn’t mean I should have to compensate you financially.
Things didn’t work out.That’s the understatement of the century. What he means is things didn’t work out as well as he anticipated. He got found out. I rehearsed our dramatic showdown over and over, but when it came to it, on the doorstep of his lover’s house, I crumbled and never said any of the things I wanted to say. Another regret to add to the pile. Turning my phone face down on the kitchen table, I pour the remainder of last night’s wine away. This is it now, a fresh start, time to focus on myself and no one else. I deserve to be number one, and the only person who will do that for me, is me.
* * *
I’m convinced I’ve seen this field before. Everything looks the same around here. Dogs have a good sense of direction though, Poppy will know the way back, I’m sure of it. Waving my phone erratically in the air, I pray I can find a smidgen of signal, anything that will get me out of thisGroundhog Dayloop that I’ve found myself in for the last twenty minutes. That’s the beauty of London, it’s virtually impossible to get lost, but here I am throwing myself in at the deep end, in a cottage in the middle of nowhere I can’t even find my way back to. Poppy pulls on her lead for what feels like the millionth time since we left home and it’s doing nothing for the drumming in my head which has been at full blast since I woke up.
‘Fine, go and explore, but you come back when I call you.’
She scampers off through the long grass and I’m hit with immediate regret as I struggle to see her tiny head the further it bounces into the distance.Shit.Picking up my pace, I hurry after her, but it’s no good, I’ve completely lost sight of her.
‘Poppppppy. Poppppppy! Where are you?’
My voice rolls over the brow of the hill and I hold my breath that at any second I’ll see her bounding over it. After what feels like the longest pause, I exhale heavily. Nothing. Great. First day being solely responsible for my dog and I’ve lost her.
ChapterTwo
James
This blasted dog will be the death of me, if you can even call it a dog. It’s a pain in my arse, that’s what it is. I push forward through the paddock and as the grass becomes thicker, my sight of the little mutt decreases. What would happen if I went home without him? I shudder at thought. I’ve been here before with this routine, walk the dog, fantasise about losing the dog, then guilt gets the better of me and I end up carrying him home because his tiny legs can’t handle the distance I’ve subjected him to. There’s nothing more emasculating than having to walk this damn dachshund. In my momentary lapse of concentration, I failed to notice I have company. It’s unusual to see anyone else up here. She’s definitely not from the village and definitely not from around here. If anything, she looks a little distressed. Fuck, where’s the dog?
‘Dick?’ I grind out through my teeth. ‘Dick, where are you? You little bastard.’
As we move ever closer to one another, a sense of dread fills me when I hear her cry, ‘Popppppy, where are you, Poppy?’
‘Dick, I swear to god if you’ve touched—’
‘Excuse me, have you seen my dog? She’s a Yorkshire terrier.’
I whip the lead behind my back. ‘Erm no. Sorry.’
‘I let her off for a moment and she was gone, it’s so unlike her. Would you help me look for her?’
‘Yes, of course.’ I force a smile, but she’s so beside herself she barely even notices.
As we walk side by side through the paddock, I feed the lead inch by inch into my back pocket. This dog has been sent to test me.
‘I’m Beth by the way.’ Thrusting her hand towards me, she takes mine in a vice-like hold and shakes it vigorously. My eyes widen at her superhuman grip.
‘James. Nice to meet you.’ I rub my palms together to kickstart the blood flow again.
‘I’m new here. It’s the first time I’ve walked this route, I knew I shouldn’t have taken her off the lead.’
‘Don’t worry, she won’t be far. I’m sure she’s just busy exploring.’
‘I hope so,’ she says breathlessly.
Reaching the far side of the paddock, a sense of dread consumes me with the sound of grunting and scratching beyond the picket fence. Grabbing my arm, she holds me still and I know that in about twenty seconds this whole fiasco is going to explode.
‘Shhh. Can you hear that?’ she whispers.
‘Erm… No, I can’t, perhaps we should check over there.’ I wave across at a patch of trees in the distance.
