Page 1 of Always Beth
Prologue
Lauren
‘Iunderstand it’s a lot to take in. Is there anyone we can call for you?’
A lot to take in? Anyone they can call?
There’s only one person and he can’t find out like this. Fear grips me, clutching on to me as I free fall into the unknown.
‘No. Thank you,’ I force out.
The doctor leaves the room and I sit in silence, alone.
One in two of us will get it, that’s what the statistics say, one in two. It may not have been either of us, it could have been both of us. But the odds stacked up against me.
‘Lauren Taylor?’
I turn my attention to the nurse lingering in the doorway, I hadn’t even heard her enter. She’s not just any nurse; she’s my cancer nurse.
‘Yes, that’s me.’
She sits opposite, clutching a file in front of her. A mass of documents, outlining my treatment. Not that it will make a difference, my fate is already decided. It’s all so formal.
‘How long?’ I ask shakily.
She looks at me and blinks so rapidly – almost like she was unprepared for my question. Perhaps this was one for the doctor? What even is the etiquette in this situation?
‘A few months, maybe six at the most. The treatment should give you some more time for you and your loved ones.’ Taking my hand, she squeezes it tightly, and I’m immediately full of regret, for all the things I should have done and all the things I wanted to do. I thought I had all the time in the world, but breast cancer had other ideas. I breezed into this appointment expecting to hear I was still in remission, not that it’s returned with vengeance, spread to my organs and there’s nothing more they can do.
‘The doctor said you didn’t want us to call anyone for you. We have your next of kin down as James Taylor.’
‘Yes, don’t ring him. I don’t want him to know, not yet.’
‘You shouldn’t go through this alone.’
‘I won’t. He’ll be there for me – he’s always there for me, without fail.’
James. My brother. My best friend in the world. This is going to be the hardest conversation of my life. Of both our lives.
* * *
Sadness fills me as I push the key into the lock. Coming home to an empty cottage during the week has never bothered me until now. The daylight’s fading, casting a shadow upon the hallway. This is the worst part about living in the country – the nights draw in so quickly without a streetlight in sight. The cottage is too quiet and being here alone only serves to amplify my inner thoughts. Life-prolonging treatment. It’s never going to be long enough to make up for all those years wasted. When it comes down to it, there’s only one thing I need and that’s James by my side. Where he belongs. How am I ever going to tell him that I’ve reached the end of this long and tiring road. We never once considered we would find ourselves here. There was always a chance that the cancer would return, but neither of us had prepared for it. Through tear-filled eyes, I type a brief message.
Lauren: I need you to call me when you’re free. It’s important. It can’t wait. Love you. x
Over the phone is never the way that someone should hear this news. Especially when that person is the other half of you.
James: Okay. I’m going back into court. I’ll call you as soon as it’s wrapped up. Sorry. Love you too. x
My heart sinks. He’s absolutely no idea what’s coming. I don’t know how long I have, but as long as it’s enough time to prepare him for a life without me, then I can leave this world knowing that he’ll be okay because for too long now we’ve only had each other.
Switching on my laptop, I scan the email from my letting agent. Renting our second cottage is one of those many things I should have got around to but never did. No matter how many times James nagged me about it, it was something I kept putting off. No time like the present, when I’m hurtling down the rabbit hole like Alice, but with no hope of a wonderland at the other end. At least the income could go towards a massive send-off or wildly inappropriate funeral. I’m presented with two choices: a retired couple who can pay the rent upfront for twelve months, with glowing references and no pets. Or a single female in her mid-thirties with one reference, who can only pay a month upfront and has a dog. I pause considering the options. Then I think of James.
Could I?It’s not the craziest idea I’ve ever had.
There should only be one choice here. I hastily type out a response. Playing it safe has got us nowhere. I’m not afraid of dying, I’m afraid of what I’ll leave behind. My decision is made. I press send. Welcome to the village, Bethany Cross, don’t disappoint me.
ChapterOne
